Musings of a Louisville Slugger

Product Review: The Honest Company

2012-02-07T22:44:00.002-05:00

I saw Jessica Alba on a few talk shows last week promoting her new venture The Honest Company. It's a product line for little ones that has 100% natural ingredients.

Now, I'm the first to admit, I'm not the mom who swears by organic. Not for any specific reason besides the stuff is expensive, and I don't really know what to buy since I haven't researched specifically organic products.... All of that aside, after I heard her speak about the line, I was intrigued.

I went to the website and saw that they offer a free trial and all you have to pay is the $4.95 shipping. Win-Win!!!!

We got the products today:

Included were:

Honest Laundry Detergent
Honest Healing Balm
Honest Face and Body Lotion
Honest Shampoo and Body Wash
Honest Hand Soap

I was leery about the shampoo as a black woman. It's no secret that some shampoos aren't designed for "our" hair type, but I used it anyway. First off, it smells perfect. The scent is "sweet orange vanilla," so she kind of smells like a creamsicle Popsicle. It left her hair feeling super moisturized. As you've heard me talking about before, I have been searching for a product for my baby girl because Zoe's hair soaks up moisture. It always looks dry. After washing, I noticed her hair was noticeably softer and it was very easy to comb through. (oops! I forgot to take a picture of it and now she's asleep!) The true test of this product will be what her hair looks like when she wakes up in the morning, but as of right now, I love it.

I also used it on her body and her skin felt baby soft. It doesn't lather up but neither did the Johnson's body wash (which I haven't used since her first few months of life due to her eczema). This time, I only used the healing balm which was thick. But in my opinion, thick is good. She has dry skin just like her mama and I always go for the products that make me look like an oil slick. Although she doesn't look greasy, the texture was thicker than the Aquaphor but it was easy to rub in.

Even though I've only used this product once, I recommend you try it. They have a long list of items offered, including diapers. I'm interested to see if they have any effect on improving my daughter's skin. She's been breaking out under her neck and the creases of her elbows and behind the knees, all eczema related. I'll keep you posted!

Wednesday Update: Zoe's skin was still baby soft when we woke up this morning. I usually put more Aquaphor on her even when I don't give her a bath (she gets a bath every other day), but I didn't feel like I needed this morning. Her hair still looks great too!

Ghetto Fabulous

2012-02-06T14:20:00.000-05:00

Hey dolls! I want to formally thank you all for the encouragement on my last post. I was really going through it. There has been some sunshine, so now my mood is better- my husband got hired on full time!!!! His temp assignment was to end this Friday and before then, they had been letting them go home early which means, shortened check. So many people at the job vouched for him (and I am so thankful for them) and put in good words, so he got hired on permanently in another department. The power of "Who You Know" is real!

My husband called me Ghetto Fabulous on Thursday. That's what we call the people who BALL OUT around tax time.

I met a friend for lunch and it was such a beautiful day out that I didn't want to go home and sit in the house, so me and the little one went to the mall. We were supposed to go just to look, but I purchase things that I couldn't afford. I got frustrated because my husband and my child have clothes for days and my closet looks like Cinderella's before the Fairy Godmother. And I had a moment. I looked down at the jeans I was wearing that had a hole between the thighs and I said eff'it!

The Limited was having a sale of an extra 40% of clearance items so I got two pairs of dark jeans and three shirts for $50. Plus I bought three belts in New York and Company which were $2.99. Then I got two pairs of flats $24.99 a piece in my new after preggars size of a 9, shown below.

And then I kindly asked him to let me reimburse myself for those expenses when we get our taxes back, allegedly this week. (We always use taxact.com, by the way.)

For cuteness sakes

Dejected

2012-01-31T00:47:00.000-05:00

God is on my side, I KNOW He is... but sometimes the cares of the world can make me feel it. I didn't get the job that I interviewed for here. My husband is working like a Hebrew slave to support us. I've only gotten two job interviews in the almost two years I've been unemployed.

To my husband, I am the reigning champ for positivity and faith but sometimes those ~~negative~~, human thoughts find their way into the back of my mind.

My husband and I again brought up moving to another state. It's terrifying and Friday night, I was up at midnight, freaking out about sending my resume to Atlanta. I mean, what if they actually called me? I emailed my friend Interior Intensive because she's been in this situation. Like me, it's her, her husband, and their daughter, and they also uprooted and now live in Texas, due to a better opportunity.

I am thankful for her, she put things into perspective for me. And I submitted that resume, along with another. My husband started filling out an application for Atlanta PD.

God wherever you see fit.

In the meantime, I'm going to be thankful that I still get time at home taking care of this beauty,

while twirling her in the air singing:

I've been Tagged!

2012-01-26T17:16:00.000-05:00

Ok, Ro, I'm FINALLY doin' it! lol

Rules:

Post these rules.
You must post 11 random things yourself.
Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.
No stuff in the tagging section about ‘you are tagged if you are reading this.’ Blah blah blah, you legitimately have to tag 11 peeps!

My Randoms:

1. I've had gray hair since I was born. (HATED IT!)
2. I will never wear a bikini again because my child has left me with tiger stripes (They're GREEAT!)
3. I hate pink, but lately I've been rocking hot pink nails and a hot pink lip (wth?)
4. I'm 31 and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
5. Before now, I never wanted to be a parent. Now I couldn't imagine NOT being one!
6. My child and I are connected at the hip. I won't leave her for more than a few hours.
7. I lost my virginity at the ripe ole' age of 21.
8. When I was in 8th grade, this boy told me I should never wear red and it's stuck with me since. (well, except with lipstick!)
9. I never go the beauty shop.
10. Listening to Jay-Z has made me cry once, I felt him THAT much.
11. My eyes change colors.

Ro's Questions

What is your fave cheat food? Pizza!

Have you ever had two dates in one night? I was never that lucky.

What is your “Go to” beauty item (only one) Lip Gloss

What was your childhood nickname? I never had one... in high school, the boys called me "legs".

Favorite Movie of 2011? The Help

Do you collect anything? If so what? If not, what would you collect? Memories

Favorite Book of 2011? Your Pregnancy: Week By Week

Favorite age you have been so far? And WHY 30, I got married, finally graduated from college, and had my first child

What is your “Go to” snack item (only one)? Potato chips (which is why there are NONE in the house)

Do you work in the field of your choice?? I'm a stay at home mama- great, but the pay sucks

Paper or Plastic? Plastic

What is you Number one Goal for 2012? To begin a career and not cry about leaving my kid

I'm tagging:

Nadia
B.Pierre
MissKroberts
Leela
That's My Mama
Ticka
Lasophia

Now, ladies, I pose these questions to you:

What do you do to de-stress?
What do you want to be remembered for?
What is your favorite thing to eat? (<----------- why am I always thinking about food?)
If you were stranded on an island, what one celebrity would you like to be there with you?
What is the one item of clothing that you own that every woman should have?
What is your favorite scent?
What is the best song ever?
What is your favorite thing to do on a date?
Gold or silver?
What is your favorite store to shop?
Your favorite color?

Teeth + Breastfeeding Equals

2012-01-23T18:23:00.000-05:00

My five month old is cutting her first tooth. I knew this time was coming, but now???? It just seems entirely too early for me. I should've known this was going to happen because my niece got hers around four months old.

It came like a thief in the night. I knew she was drooling more than usual and I've been going through about four bibs a day but I never stuck my fingers in her mouth to check.

I was feeding her and it felt like needles were being stuck through my nips and I screamed out "JESUS!" At that time, I had no choice. I stuck my finger in and immediately found the culprit. The top of a tooth on the bottom, right in front. Great!

Ever since then, I feel like I'm scared of my child. When it's time to feed her, I get nervous in the pit of my stomach and I'm anxious... I dread it. But I have no choice, so I lube up on Lanolin which helps a little and go for it. It only hurts for a second but I am watching her close.

My kid has a habit of clamping down and turning her head toward whatever else grabbed her attention (she's such a distracted eater right now). I remind her, "Zo, that's mama's NIP," to which she answers back with a smile. Sometimes, I promise she knows what she's doing. I noticed she also starts gnawing when she's bored and not really wanting to eat.
I'm determined to keep breastfeeding. Not only because Breast is Best but also because so many around me say I should just quit and put her on the bottle. (I'm hardheaded that way!)

It's Our Anniversary

2012-01-19T13:52:00.000-05:00

***queue Tony! Toni! Tone! ***

Tomorrow, my husband and I will have made it through our first year of marriage. I remember the day!

As you may recall, we did a courthouse ceremony, and there was a snowstorm and I was worried that the building was going to close. But the county clerk was so nice. Every time I called, she assured me that as long as we were coming, she was going to be there.

My mom, dad, and one of my brothers was there. There was nothing romantic about the ceremony which was great for me. I cringe at P.D.A. (in front of my family- chalk it up to my non-affectionate upbringing) and I was pregnant and feeling like complete CRAP so I wanted it over as soon as possible (I know- who says that about their wedding ceremony?) We didn't even do that "You may now kiss the bride." iCan't in front of my family.

My snow boots had to go back on. Me and everybody else was super afraid of me falling.

My mama and dad wanted to snap pictures of us outside.... it was FREEZING, did I mention that?

Afterwards, we decided to go to our favorite Chinese food restaurant to eat. Our engagement and wedding reminds me of Carrie and Big's in the Sex and the City movie. We did exactly what WE wanted to do and didn't consider what anyone else was thinking. After I found out I was pregnant, we made a mutual decision to get married. The "engagement" only lasted about a month

Prior to this, we always talked about getting married and having a big beautiful ceremony, but once we found out Zo was coming, it didn't seem as important. We just wanted to do it. But I'm so happy we did it this way. I didn't have to stress about anything as far as which friends to choose for the bridal party, planning, and whatever else may come along. Plus I just couldn't see myself spending thousands of dollars on one day (frugal Fran over here!)

The end result, marriage, was what really mattered to us.

My friends all told me before that the first year of marriage was the hardest and that things change after you get married. But me and him talked about it, and we really don't feel any different than we did when we were dating. And marriage hasn't been hard at all. I am so thankful for that!

Interview #fail

2012-01-16T13:56:00.000-05:00

First off, Ro, I want to say I am not ignoring your tag. I've simply procrastinated because I know it's going to take me some thought and some work and I really only get 15 minutes to blog at a time before Zo gets antsy...

Second off, again inspired by Ro, I have stayed away from candy, cakes, pies, ice cream, and cookies for over a week now. It's a struggle. My mama is always trying to tempt me with "it isn't like you eat it all the time, just have a bite." But I tell her "NO, I know my strength. Having a bite for me is like telling a crackhead to take a little hit."

Down to business.... so I had an interview with the police department. You may remember about me going to take the tests for it a few weeks ago. Well I got my scores, I was 5 out of 23 candidates and the interview was going to determine which 2 received the positions.

My mama came over to watch Zo and like always, Zo cried. I promise she KNOWS when I am about to leave because she goes berserk. But I left the house about 45 minutes early, the GPS said the place was 25 minutes from me but I didn't know how the bridge was going to be going into Louisville because it had been snowing a little the night before.

Mom texted me when I was pulling up to the place that Zo had fallen asleep (whew!) and I texted her back and said I was already there- 30 minutes early. I was a little confused because there was two buildings close to each other and neither had a street number on them... so I called the Human Resource phone number to which I received nothing but more confusion. They really didn't know which one to go to and instead of getting more panicked, I told her I'd go into both. So I sat in the car, about 15 minutes more, reading the bible (ya know, trying to stay up with my church's goal).. I got out with 15 minutes to spare and walked into building 1.

NOTHING... I walked around what seemed like a shut down building because although I saw people standing around outside I saw no one inside to ask.. so I walked to building 2 (did I mention it was blistering cold and I had on heels that I really can't fit because I still have my pregnant feet?) and didn't see a sign that said anything about police so I walked back to building 1. I called HR again... no help. I walked back to building 2... walked down the hall until I found someone and she said, the building you want is across the street.

I am frantic at this point. It is 10:23... I interview at 10:25. I am panicked because it is obvious I am going to be late and I DON'T. Do. LATE... I start to walk across the street (my car is behind the building) to save time but then I look and that sign says NOTHING about police department so I scamper back to the car (again- freezing, too tight heels, dress).

I jump in the car and again call HR... I get a lady who told me to look for this other address and pull behind the building and park and the building I wanted would be over there. I rolled around for a bit...FOUND: Oh SHAT... you mean this old, dilapidated building here is where I should go??? The one NOT noted on the GPS? The one that says Police Department on the side and Housing Authority on the back???!

I park and walk as fast at my thick legs would carry me into the building, grab the door handle.. and NOTHING..... locked.... walk to the other side. LOCKED. WTF---- So I stand there (did I mention I am already close to tears PISSED) and this lady comes out and says, "Are you (Sunny)???" She lets me in and lets me through this corridor where I am next to a thick guy who is sitting as rigidly as an ex Army sergeant. She brings me my application to proofread and says they will be with me in a second. He starts to talk to me and turns out to be a pretty nice guy.

I get in the room and it's a panel of four women... dunh dunh dunhhhhhh.... now with women, interviews are hard to gauge (in my experience)... they're either easy because I get along with women so well and it's easy to chat with them OR they are going to be really rigid because they are trying to not be so "womanly."

These women turned out to be neither, although they were pretty nice. I am aware of how the panel interview goes.. one person is talking while the others are judging your non verbals, your body language, etc. I immediately apologized for being late and told them I got lost and a briefed them on what happened.. they laughed. *whew good*

They asked me about five questions.. and I answered them all. But I don't feel like I did great. I had SEVERE mommy brain (which I've had for the past 3 days.. .I'm a total idiot) and I felt like the examples I gave had to do with my last year of life (being pregnant, going to school and being a mommy)... DOH. Work examples, please???? I am hoping because they are also women, they know what I am going through and empathize.

Sighhhh I NEVER wanted to be one of those women who can't talk about anything but mommy hood and babies.

When I left, I shook everyone's(Did I mention I LOVE saying her name? I think it's so cool).

There I go again..... so now I wait......

Cooking Up A Storm

2012-01-11T13:09:00.001-05:00

I really don't like to cook. I think I've told you guys that before. But I LOVE to eat, so I have to do it. Trice over at High Heels and Good Meals posted a recipe for Creamy Pasta w/ Turkey Sausage and it had me smacking my lips last week (even though I had already made a dish with bow tie pasta) that I knew I just had to make.

It was very easy. I'm not as great as her taking pictures of all the steps because between a crying baby who didn't want to sit in her swing until I finished and having to stop before I was through to pick up my husband from work, I was just happy to make it to the end. But I did and it was delish!!!!!

Here is the final pic. If you choose to make it, don't be like me and add too much red pepper unless you like yours a bit Cajun styled.

I served it with Three Cheese Texas Toast. Yummy goodness!

BRAG MOMENT: The next morning, I made an omelet. This is only about my fourth attempt in adulthood making it (being the oldest of four with two working parents, I cooked a lot growing up). Thank GOD it came out fabulouslessly this time. It usually breaks up or the egg doesn't get done all the way, etc. etc. But I scoured the Internet looking for tips. I filled this one with green peppers, onion, cheese, sausage, and bacon.

Served with two biscuits and some jelly on the side.

It isn't THAT Bad

2012-01-06T11:55:00.000-05:00

Before Zozo came all I heard was "kids are expensive." So I was prepared for it. I thought we were going to be missing meals, etc. etc. in order to take care of this kid.

But I'm hear to tell you, it's not. I have to thank GOD for that. Me and J were talking about it on the way to church last Sunday and we agreed, it's not all that bad. Sure, you add some costs in to your "normal" spending but honestly as long as you're smart, you can save.

Tips:

1. Don't be afraid to buy generic. My sister said for the first year of her child's life, her daughter will wear nothing but name brand diapers. <<<<<<<<<<< side eye >>>>>>>>>>> Now, perhaps it's because I'm 30 years old and I have livvvvved (as Wendy Williams says) and I have experience but I know that generic is sometimes just as good as the name brand. (SOMETIMES is in caps. There are some things you just cannot do generic on- I don't PLAY with my toilet paper!) But I've found that they are just as good.. In fact, I won't buy Huggies because the pee smell comes through so strong. Target generic, Kroger generic, Walmart generic are just as good.

2. Shop Clearance and sales! I have always shopped this way for myself and I knew my kid was going to be no different. Carters clothing is great and Sears , JC Penny and Meijer is good for having this brand on sale. Also KMart has a great brand called Small Wonder and they are always running sales. And you already know how I feel about Target (loves!) Also, don't be afraid of secondhand stores like Once Upon A Child. My friend shops there RELIGIOUSLY for her two boys. She even purchased Zo a cute snowsuit from there that looks brand new. (Plus you can sell your kids' things for cash! Win-Win)

3. If you can, breastfeed. Formula is friggin expensive. Like seriously, when I pass that aisle, my knees buckle. Breastfeeding is free.

4. You don't need every high tech, brand name gadget out there. I knew from jump, because we don't have a ton of money, that I wasn't going to be a product junkie with this kid. Our most expensive item was her crib and that was about $150 and it transitions. We have her stroller combo and we didn't go super expensive with the baby carrier. After reading the reviews for the Infantino Swift, we purchased that, and I couldn't be happier with it. She has a floor play mat, a swing (borrowed) and a bouncer (borrowed) and her Boppy and Bumbo (borrowed). We saved a ton of money this way. And honestly, all babies really want is love and your attention so you'd really only be stressing yourself out.

5. Don't afraid to be vocal! We asked people to either stick to the registry or buy Target gift cards for the baby shower... and for the most part (90%, the other 8% gave cash, 2% did what they wanted) people did as requested. I cannot tell you how much that helped us. I wanted to make sure we got necessities and not a bunch of cute, frilly little dresses. My cousin purchased a giant container of DREFT, and do you guys know, she's almost 5 months old and we are STILL using it???! And I do laundry at least once a week!

DISCLOSURE: Most of all, I know GOD has blessed us to be able to not see the big difference. We know that my being unemployed saves us the biggest cost- daycare expenses, but we also know that it cut out substantial income.

No Resolutions

2012-01-03T16:50:00.000-05:00

I tend to roll my eyes when I see too much emphasis put on the beginning of a new year. I've read some of your blogs so I know I'm not alone. But it's the same thing every year- people claiming they are going to lose weight, start exercising, etc. etc. (Yep, me too!)

At some point, I decided to take one day at a time, so that's what I"m going to do. I just aim to be BETTER every day, than the day before. Here are two of my focuses:

1. A BETTER Christian- My church has the goal of reading the bible in a year. (When I finally sat down to start yesterday, we discovered, my bible is missing. I must've left it at church. But alas, the bible is on my cell phone.) I also want to pray more. I am going to talk to God as much as I talk to my mama (which is verrrrry often).

2. A BETTER body- I've been exercising. (But this morning, I was shocked to find out that the OnDemand Exercise TV channel I use was no longer. HEATED! Good for me, there are tons of workouts on the Internet.)

I played a joke on my family when we were having Sunday dinner. I told them that we were expecting a new baby. LMBO. They really didn't say too much so it wasn't as fun as I wanted it to be.... The real fun came the next day when I told them I wasn't. My granny said,

"thank GOD Sunny. Because I was just thinking,

'that child is going to be putting fat on top of fat.'"

Side eye granny, who says WHATEVER she wants.. thank God I have no self esteem issues. She cracks me up though. I know I'll be able to do it one day.

Other than that, there's really nothing new that's going on, no complaints here. My husband took off from his second job this week, so it's been nice having him here. He moved the baby's bed into our room so I could try and transition her to that. She hasn't slept it in yet over night and will only nap for about 20 minutes in it, but we're making strides. I'm not pushing because she's my baby. *tear* And I enjoy being able to just turn over and feed her at night and go right back to sleep.

She turned over yesterday but I didn't see it.

All I know is- I put her on her tummy to play while I washed dishes, when I looked back over to check on her, she was on her back. She didn't want to do her trick again.

*Untitled

2011-12-28T23:49:00.000-05:00

I couldn't think of a title, but hey, keep the party going.

1. I'm on my second viewing of He's Just Not That Into You (movie) for today. I love it almost as much as I loved the book. I must say, it's reminding me again of how happy I am that I am not single (no sucker punch to you single gals reading). But the dating game is JACKED UP, I hated it. And this movie reminds me that I was that girl- the one who would turn a single nice gesture into a full storybook romance in my head...and would end up with my feeling hurt.

2. Lesson for today: do NOT change up the kid's routine. I switched up and for SOME reason gave her a bath this morning, instead of at night and her schedule has been jacked up since. She only took one nap today, and just now went to sleep at 11:30. This is her second attempt so hopefully she's down for the night.

3. My Christmas pies turned out AMAZING, so did the cake balls. In case you want to try: Buttermilk Chess Pie, Chess Pie, Cake Balls/ The only thing different I did was cook both chess pies for an hour. Christmas itself was also grand. We started out, going to church. I was knock down tired, Zo got up in the middle of the night playing and we go to 8 am service, but hopefully when people see us in there with a small baby, they touch and agree, and don't take my yawning for disrespect.

Zo was BLESSED on Christmas. And because people blessed her, we (her parents) were also blessed. She got so many clothes and toys... although playing with the wrapping paper was her fave.

(Although she doesn't look it.... )

Here's a better one.

4. I don't know if I'm having hormone surges or what but the last few days, I get all heated and flushed for no reason at all. Like right now, I'm typing and I'm hot as hell. I'm talking Satan hot. Deodorant, please don't fail- NOT SEXY.

5. Oh, I almost forgot!!!! We started feeding Zo baby rice cereal two days ago. She isn't quite enjoying it yet, but it's getting better every day. I am starting out, only doing once a day, at night per the directions in one of our baby books. She pushes the food back out of her mouth and I'm not even sure if any is getting into her stomach, but we'll keep trying.

One last picture that showcases her new talent:

Yeah, it's cute now, but I need her to forget this one once babyhood is over. ;)

Everything and Nothing

2011-12-21T22:31:00.000-05:00

I went and took my test today for a position with the police department.... thing is, I didn't get the memo that these things were so casual. Basically, I was the only person who dressed up. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't in a suit or anything....

Exhibit "A"

...but everyone had on jeans. Jeans???? Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I always think, whenever going for a job, even if it's something as simple as taking a test, that I'm being viewed and judged from the time I get there- even how I look. Has this changed? I know the world has gotten more lax in a lot of things, but are we doing this now?

My kid. Oh Lord, my kid. Guys, I took her to my moms and she cried and cried and cried and cried. I tried to give her the boob before I left. She wouldn't take it. I tried to hush and sh-shh-shhhhhh in her ear (it usually works) and NOTHING... she just hollered. Her eyes were red and puffy... I was trying to pump milk for her since she wouldn't take it and I couldn't pump even. It was effecting me. My mama said she must've sensed that I was about to leave. She is truly a mama's girl. She sees my family at least once a week- I don't know what it is... but I won't force the issue, she's young. I'm not trying to teach a four month old any life lessons. My mama sends me encouragement and tells me it's gonna get better.

My husband made a spinach quiche for his team's potluck tomorrow. Doesn't it look grand?

I love my husband to death but I wanted to choke him slightly because he came in last minute asking me to shop for his secret Santa at work because it was a woman and he didn't know what to get. You guys KNOW I hate shopping... and even worse in the Christmas season????? Hello???!!! Drink please. (Oh, I can't!)

P.S. I know they say you can pump and dump but I need ALL of my milk. I need to stock up the freezer in case I do get a job. I feel like it's throwing diamonds away.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ neurotic much?

Speaking of Christmas, during these tough economical times (I don't know why that phrase makes me giggle), my family is always looking up frugal ways to celebrate. This year, we decided we were gonna spoil our new additions... so it's all about getting gifts for Zoe and Iyanna. Last year, we drew names and you only had to shop for the person whose name you drew. I love this- because it alleviates pressure to get things you can't afford and it's so much fun!!!! We get to concentrate on eating and having a good time with dinner. I'm making cake balls (first time!) and a buttermilk chess pie (first time!) I hope they are good.

If I don't talk to you guys before Christmas, please have a great holiday, don't stress, and love your family and friends!

Randoms

2011-12-16T22:25:00.000-05:00

So many things this week:

First off, my car is sick... My husband tried to take it out for me Monday night to get gas (because I was taking the baby to the doctor the next day) and he came back and and delivered the bad news. You know what the crazy thing is though? I was washing Zo's hair and before he even came in, I felt that he hadn't left and I could picture him giving me the news of my car not starting. Did I jinx myself? My dad took a look at it and said he thinks it's a busted head gasket... which is gonna cost us. Uhhh, I have no job.

*womp womp wahhhhhh*

Surprisingly I"m not super bummed about it. I just got through paying that thing off last month. I'm proud of that. But I don't have a job right now, so it's no rush. Until then, I'll just have to wake up early and take my husband to work and keep his car, if I need to do something. Thank God for that.

Zo is 24 1/2 inches long and 11.10 pounds. (still a tiny little thing). The doctor told us we could start foods, but if it was her own baby, she'd wait until closer to five months. Zo has had a few skin issues, with the eczema and whatnots, and she said food allergies are quite common, so we just want to be sure she's ready. I was looking forward to seeing how she'd react to food, but that's ok, I'm cool with her still being my baby.

Secret to get her to smile???? TICKLES!

She is so loud and "chatty." Her doctor predicted that she's going to be an early talker because she was "making sounds that are unusual for a baby her age." She just started to sit up really well in her Bumbo this week. And yesterday, as I was cooking dinner and she was on the couch, I looked up and she was sitting up on her Boppy, playing with her feet.

She's not making any moves to turn over but it's my fault. I confessed to her doctor that she really doesn't like tummy time, so I tend to avoid it. She whines and cries the whole time and it hurts my heart. Her doctor told me to just do it for a few minutes a few times a day.

Oh, me and the hubby didn't get to do the date Sunday. He was exhausted. When me and Zo came in from church, I attempted to wake him up and he was talking crazy, mumbling, "it doesn't matter if the alarm doesn't go off." HUH??? LOL. J is one of those people who sleeps HARD. He forgets where he is and who he is with and needs about 15 minutes to get up. I have to wake him up 3 times before he gets out of the bed. Drives me nuts but whatareyagonnado?

Neglect

2011-12-09T15:06:00.000-05:00

So, I've been neglecting the HELL out of my husband (don't get it twisted, we are BOTH slipping).. and it wasn't until I watched Kourtney and Kim that I felt really, REALLY bad about it. Scott (whom I usually can't stand) was talking about how Kourtney- and I don't remember the exact percentages - gave him 99% of her before the baby, 65% of herself while pregnant, and 2% since Mason was born.

I'm this- fast forward to 0:03 seconds

So, Sunday after church, we're gonna drop Zo at my mama's and have a little date day. No spending the night yet- Mama is NOT ready.

We took the babies to get pictures taken at Portrait Innovations today. BUST. My child acted a donkey (just like last time when we tried to get a family portrait) and neither of them were focused. Ah well- BABIES, whatcanyado?

Prior to this year, I always got depressed around Christmas. My mama said I've been that way since I was a child. I don't know why in particular, but I feel like it's the cold weather and early darkness-cabin fever. But this year, the babies have brightened up my spirits. I even had Christmas music playing in the car for my baby girl.

P.S: I got an email to take a test for the Louisville Metro Police Department in two weeks and being that my degree is in Criminology/ Criminal Justice, win-win. Keep me in your prayers guys. Stank ya very much!!!

Firsts

2011-12-06T13:10:00.001-05:00

We've had a few first this week....

For starters, I breastfed in public for the first time yesterday. *toot toot* I met my BOLD friend and her daughter, 2 months older than Zo, at the mall. She's the one I was telling you guys about that breastfed in church. Well, we took a bench break because both girls wanted to get out of their strollers and she changed her baby's diaper right there, so I felt compelled to go ahead and breastfeed without ducking into a bathroom. And guess what???? It wasn't bad at all. Zo didn't rip the blanket off and expose me (like she's done before) and those thoughts of men walking by salivating over the fact that all that stood between a boob shot was a blanket, went out the window!!! Well, not really out the window, I just didn't care as much. People walked past and smiled but no one gave me any weird looks.. it's was cool. And I will probably be doing it again.

Another first- someone got their ears pierced!!! Shout out to lasophia.

"oooh, that's some good thumb!"

Me and J took her. She was laughing and playing leading up to it, and it kinda made me feel bad- like I was leading a lamb to slaughter- because she had no clue what was in store. They had a time because her earlobes are tiny- she has J's baby ears, but they were successful. She cried after the one ear and I was tearing up so I looked away. (They couldn't do both ears at the same time because they said baby's move so much.) So they continued with the second ear and kid you not, she cried for about 30 seconds and went straight to sleep. What a relief for me!!

She's received her first custom made item. My aunt is artsy which I love. She made about five hats because we couldn't find any in the store to fit her small head... this one is just a prototype and she told me I'd better not let Zo wear it in public but I thought it was adorable and she's been wearing it ever since!! And I'll keep letting her wear it until she gets the REAL ones made.

The others are sitting beside her but this one is my fave.

And this last thing is not so much a first, but I'm sooo happy to say that my weight is down to 176 pounds!!! I can attribute it to God and Breastfeeding because I really have done nothing new. Well, as of two weeks ago, I stopped buying potato chips and sweets for the home because I know I can't control myself... but that's about it. ***Does the Roger Rabbit*** <-------- showing my age

...And Another Thing!!!!

2011-11-30T00:54:00.000-05:00

Do. Not. Kiss. The. Baby.

Oh my gosh yaw!!!! Why must I be a monster mama and have to tell people this? Why isn't it proper protocol that is respected and obeyed? Why. Why, WHY?

So for Thanksgiving, we went to my uncle and aunt's house for dinner. There was a bunch of my uncle's family over, and there was this lady in particular who I've only met once before who had me wanting to flip out.

First off, I'm sitting in a room with my mama and sister and the babies, Zoe and Iyanna, and the lady walks in and grabs my baby OUT OF MY LAP.

Now. I didn't know what to do. I was thrown off. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place because on one hand, I just got disrespected by someone snatching SOMETHING (namely MY something) up out of my lap but on the other hand, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings because I am at a family affair. Oh, and on another hand, I'm not sure whether her hands were washed.

So I sit there- feeling awkward and conflicted as hell. And I turn my back to her and meanwhile I hear these sounds that sound like kissing sounds. I rationalize to myself, "Sunny, I KNOW she isn't kissing my kid, so I'm not gonna turn around." So, she proceeds to walk out of the room with my baby. And I say, "Naw, I cannot let you do that.." And she said, "I've got her, she's ok.". and continues to walk out as if it is not my kid in her arms.

Ok. I'm getting heated because now I feel like how a man must feel when he's been emasculated. So, I must have this look on my face because my mama asked, if I was ok. No, No I'm not.

So the lady comes back with my baby and this time I see it, guys..... RED. She put her LIPS ON MY BABY!!!!

***Call the law and stop the presses!!!!!***

I didn't flip out but in hindsight, I feel like I should have. What would you have done?

The Sunshine of My Life

2011-11-21T11:16:00.000-05:00

I love my kid.... everything she does is so amazing. This weekend, she cracked up laughing for the first time for J and I teared up... it's such an adorable sound. Only he can get her to laugh like that- which is so sweet.

I took her to the doctor for her 3 month old check-up and she's a teeny kid. She's 23 1/2 inches and 10.7 lbs (10-20 percentile)... the doctor said there's no worries, she just might be a small girl. And I don't worry. I really could care less about percentiles and other means of measuring up because she is healthy. I'm so blessed because as you guys remember, I was told she was gonna have an issue and didn't.

She's extremely vocal. She "talks" my ear off daily.

Breastfeeding is still going great. I still can't do it in public, I'm pretty uncoordinated and I don't have grace so I have to pull my whole boob out to get her situated, then I classy up and hide it. PLUS, Zo hates when I put the blanket over her head, so she yanks it off- EXPOSURE! One of my friends has breastfed in church, she's my idol. One of these days, I hope to get to that level.

She is dealing with some dermatitis/ eczema issues and cradle cap comes and goes. We, along with the docs, are trying to figure out what exactly it is... see- it started off as rough, darker patches.

Now the darker splotches have gotten smaller, and her skin is smoother. I had to stop using anything with fragrance (no more Johnson's- insert sad face). She gets a bath and her hair watched every other night. I use Aquaphor gentle wash and shampoo combo and she gets slathered with Aquaphor in the daytime and night, even on her face. African American hair thrives on moisture and I felt like washing it so often in order to keep the cradle cap out was drying it out so I needed something to restore, so I ordered Baby Hair Lotion but I wasn't overly impressed with (only tried it twice). So then, I took a cue from my sister and got this from Walmart, which seems to make her hair feel a little better.

Zo still is in our bed. We've been co-sleeping her entire life. I love it. It makes breastfeeding in the middle of the night a breeze (I turn on my side, latch her on, and go back to sleep), and it's nice to have her scooted next to me... plus I can wake up and hear her, which gives me assurance (does the paranoia EVER go away?) I don't know when we will stop co-sleeping... I'm gonna go with my gut. (And I don't mean she'll still be in our bed at 5 or anything like that). I don't want to rely to much on other people's opinions or techniques, because she's MY kid. I'm just enjoying this time with her, leaving no future thoughts of should'a, would'a, could'a.

For now, I'm following her lead......

Birthday Bliss!!!

2011-11-15T21:07:00.001-05:00

My birthday was yesterday and I'm now 30 + 1. Yep, I told my age. *gasp*

I celebrated my birthday this weekend. I met some of my girls for breakfast at this place: Lynn's Paradise Cafe at 9 am Saturday morning. I probably ate one million calories but I definitely wasn't counting. I had scrambled eggs with cheese, sausage patties, home fries and biscuits... I also had some of my friends french toast (which tasted like buttered heaven) and I tasted my cousin's fully dressed french toast which tasted like a Pecanbon from Cinnabon. It was so much fun- I don't go out without my Zo much anymore.

Sunday after church, our little trio took family pictures. Then, we had dinner at my aunt's for me. (My mama celebrates your birthday on the weekend NO MATTER WHAT day it falls on. And she still gets a cake, balloons, and makes us sing happy birthday like we're kids.) They cook whatever the birthday girl/boy wants- our tradition. Since my fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, greens and sweet potato request got denied because Thanksgiving is right around the corner, I suggested hamburgers (my granny makes the BEST) and fries... my aunt also made some onion rings.. YUMMY GOODNESS.

Let's get to the gifts- over the weekend, I got a few gift cards to eat out because well, everyone knows how much I love food. My husband surprised me with this handbag that I'd lusted after in Dillard's, when I was still pregnant. I knew I was never going to buy it because it's an expensive bag. I am a frugalista so I cannot imagine dropping multiple hundreds on ANYTHING that I'm gonna wear and he got it!!!

poor camera phone shot

It's probably the nicest thing I own right now (besides my wedding band) and I am waiting for the perfect time to wear it. I don't carry purses much more with the baby bag and all. But, he didn't stop there- he also got me the remaining 4 DVDs to complete my Sex and the City collection!!! (I squealed with delight!) Hubby was on point with this one!!!!

It's always a good time with my family. My sister and I played Just Dance on the Wii and now I cannot get this song out of my head:

For my actual birth date, I had to take Zo for a checkup, shop with Mama, and I made Chicken Tortilla Soup... it was the bomb dot com. There was a restaurant here called Max and Erma's that is no longer, but I used to love their soup.. and after trying a few copycat recipes, this is the closest one:

1 (11 ounce) can condensed Fiesta nacho cheese soup, undiluted
1 (10 3/4 ounce) can condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted
2 2/3 cups milk
1 (10 ounce) can white chicken meat, drained
1 (10 ounce) can enchilada sauce
1 (4 ounce) can chopped green chilies
sour cream
shredded cheese
corn tortilla strips

I added a can of Ro-Tel and since I couldn't find canned chicken, I've made my own chicken breasts and shredded them once and this time, I just used the packaged chicken strips in the lunch meat section of the grocery store!

Directions:

Prep Time: 5 mins

Total Time: 15 mins

In a large saucepan, combine the soups, milk, chicken, enchilada sauce, Ro-Tel, and chilies; mix well. Cook until heated through. Garnish with Sour Cream, Shredded cheese and tortilla strips

Bully Busters

2011-11-11T03:49:00.001-05:00

It seems that bullying is on the rise, especially with the development of social media. It hurts my heart to think of all of the little kids that go through this. And makes me crazy to think that it may even be a factor in my own child's life.
I wasn't ever bullied, per say, I was just teased constantly because of how I looked (too light skin, big lips, etc.). No one ever put their hands on me and bless the kids who did and are going through this. We talked about it this weekend when we went to visit my in-laws, and his step-dad said he STILL remembered the name of the kid who bullied him.

I don't know if the school systems are the same everywhere, but locally, they will not only kick out the child who was bullying, but also the kid who stood up and fought back. I think that's pretty screwed up and maybe someone in the public education field can clear it up for me, but what do they want- the kid to take a beating?

JT and I have already discussed this. Zo will be taught to fight back regardless and if she is suspended, she will not be punished at home. I do not expect my child to not hit back when provoked.

We were watching The Karate Kid again this weekend and I suggested we get Zo into some Karate classes as soon as she's old enough. I want to be sure she knows how to defend herself should she ever be faced with a bully.

My Child is NOT Spoiled, DAMMIT!

2011-11-08T12:28:00.000-05:00

How many times must my parenting style be insulted? When someone tells me my child is spoiled, it make me want to scream like a banshee. Can someone please tell me how a three month old baby gets "spoiled"?

I'm a part of the new school parenting style. I believe that these first few months of her life- are the most important, in bonding with her and making her feel secure. I will not allow my baby to cry just because- it's NOT strengthening her lungs, it's only torturing her and driving me nuts. My baby is not one of those kids who cries all day long for no reason, when she cries, she's trying to tell me something.

Zo clings to me and people are quick to call her spoiled. They ASSUME that because she's home with me all day, all I do is sit around and hold her. That is not true. Zoe watches television on the couch in her Boppy, she has her swing and she has her bouncer. We go places practically daily because when she is cooped up in the house too long, there is hell to pay later on when it's bedtime. What they seem to neglect is, because she's home all day with ME, WE know each other really well.

And, no, my baby doesn't need to spend the night over anyone's house!!!! Ummm- again, she's 3 months old AND I'm not doing anything. I'm not one of these young girls running the street and I'm not even running behind a man because I'm married. I don't go out because ummmm we have no clubs that I'd even associate myself with her. I'm GOOD! So stop feigning concern for me in exchange to say I'm not doing anything but "spoiling that baby."

Again, I am the Mama! I know what it takes to calm her down when she's upset. And let's not forget that I have the milk supply. Who wouldn't want to be around the person who is carrying their food all day every day? HELLO.

I make every effort to take her out so she is exposed to people but I can only do so much. Someone NEEDS to come visit us.

It's so annoying and all I have to say is these people should thank GOD for this blog- where I can go to vent, otherwise they may be the ones getting the ear full.

***GRINDS MY DAYUM GEARS***

Daddy's Little Girl

2011-11-02T23:20:00.000-04:00

I watched this and although I thought it was the sweetest video ever, it made me kind of sad. See, my dad and I don't have that kind of relationship. Now, my dad has been around for all 30 years of my life, married to my mama.... but we're not close. See, I don't really know WHAT caused this- except to say my brothers and sister and I were always terrified of my dad.

He was the disciplinarian... my mama disciplined but I remember it was very easy to get out of spankings with her. My dad worked A LOT and my mama was the primary, mainly a stay at home mom for the majority of my life. Often, when we acted up throughout the day, mama would threaten us with "I'm gonna tell your Daddy when he gets home...." We all knew what that mean, our butts were getting torn up!! My daddy would wake us up out of our sleep to spank us. I don't remember him really talking to us about anything and when he did, we'd burst into tears. See, my dad, has this LOUD, BOOMING, confrontational voice that is extremely intimidating.

It wasn't until I became an adult that I no longer was scared of my dad. And that sucks... I understand having fear for a parent, but I don't think it should be so far that it messes up your relationship.

To this day I feel awkward, STILL, around my dad.... like I really don't know how to hold a conversation... and he tries... he really does. But it's just weird for me. I guess I'm still that 8 year old child, in a way.

I almost lost my dad once. It was a few years ago, the year before I almost lost my mama (I'll tell you about that in another post). It was the day before Halloween. My dad had an aneurysm and he was in the hospital for days and so was I. As awkward as I still felt, I was there for my dad because after all he is.... my DAD.

I understand the need for primary and secondary parents in this world were one parent may have to work more than another, but I really hope Zo has a better relationship with J than I have with my Dad.... and perhaps they can have their own daddy daughter dance one day.

What Really Grind My Gears

2011-10-31T11:03:00.000-04:00

I saw this online and thought it was hilarious!

My homegirl and her husband had a Halloween party this weekend and me and Zo came over early to keep her company while she prepped and so I could spend time with my godsons. I planned to leave before the guests got there because I knew there was going to be a lot of people which can tend to be loud and Zo is not big on a crowd- like me (she breaks down.)

The party was to start at 5:00 and at that time, no one was there besides us. Me and Zo left around 5:45 pm and at that time, 3 families had shown up. When I talked to her the next day, she said people had arrived as late as 7:30 and they ended up having a house full. We were both pissed. Why- you may be wondering.

Well, I am a stickler for time. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who aren't on time. I feel personally insulted when a person isn't on time- it's like they thought I had nothing better to do than wait for their arrival.... or like I can simply extend the end time to compensate by the amount that they are late. If you are gonna be late, call me before we are supposed to meet and let me know you are running late. Don't wait until after and I notice you are missing!!!!

This is a HUGE problem for black people. In fact, there is a term, CPT (Color People Time) to "excuse" or reason with our behavior, but guys, I cannot subscribe to it.

For my baby shower, I was adamant about it starting at 1 pm and ending at 4 pm and we did. Although it was pretty empty at 1 pm, those who were there were told to start eating. Why should they be penalized to wait for the stragglers? If I am to meet you somewhere and you aren't there on time, I WILL leave you.. and I won't answer my phone.

Whenever I am to meet someone or I have a doctor's appointment, etc. I arrive super early- overcompensation. I feel like because I am black, people expect me to be late, so I do the opposite. Being prejudged (which is probably what I'm doing in ASSUMING they expect me to be late, huh) gives me the quivers... iCan't.

Speaking of overcompensation... I was watching Wendy Williams show, the episode with Whoopie Goldberg, and she mentioned not eating fried chicken or watermelon in public and I felt VALIDATED because I am the same way. It just makes me uncomfortable. As well as the word "monkey".

I'm OBVIOUSLY showing my 'cray today.

Prima Ballerinas

2011-10-25T18:52:00.000-04:00

My sister and I dressed the girls up in the tutus that my aunt made them and we had a mini photoshoot today. The babies were somewhat cooperative but towards the end, Zo had a full out break down. She was over it!!! Here are some of the pics:

Yanna fell asleep while we were taking pictures.

Yanna was trying to turn over right in the middle of our shoot.

Far From June Cleaver.....

2011-10-21T00:41:00.000-04:00

Man! I haven't been able to write on my blog or read my fave ones!!!! Zo has become such a stage 4 clinger. Naw, never mind that, she seems to "ack" a fool only when I try to get on the computer. I don't know what it is- but as soon as I find my way over to it, she starts kicking that leg and it's a wrap!!! I don't get much adult conversation during the day, so I really miss you guys.

I wanna thank all of you for the kind words and the prayers sent up for me and my friend for my last post. The memorial for her dad was yesterday. I have to give it to her- my friend has always had a beautiful spirit, she has always reminded me of Jill Scott, but right now, she's being so strong and I admire her. She's the middle child and she's always been the one to take care of the family and it's no different now. Cut to the memorial- I missed the ENTIRE ceremony. I brought my kid- and she showed up and showed out!!! From babbling extremely loud to kicking that leg (which is the prelude to a "show"), I spent the entire time out in the hallway. But my home girl STILL joked with me about that- she said Zo realized such a sucky occasion it was and I quote, "hell, I don't even want to be here....." see- I love that girl. She's still got her sense of humor.

Ok, ok- what else can I talk about??? The kid is occupied with a toy, so I'm typing lightening fast. I may not be able to put any pictures on this post but yaw understand me (RIGHT!)???

I applied for a job with the Louisville Police Department just a while ago (my husband was home to occupy her) and it's 3rd shift!!! I know right??? WTH? But see, I thought it was perfect. Of course, he'll have to quit one of his jobs but I thought it'd be perfect because she'd always have a parent home with her and we could TOTALLY avoid daycare. Sure, I'd probably be tired at first but I see it as a WIN-WIN because of her. Plus I'd be able to work using my degree! "Please Jesus!!!"

After reading my friend Desiree's latest post, I had to look at myself and I came to this conclusion- I SUCK at home making. Like totally. She's so great, her home is RIDICULOUSLY fabulous and her latest projects were fabulous (she can cook!) AND she does all this with a baby girl (like me)... Shoot, I am lucky if I can wash some dishes. lol. I WILL cook, but I hate it.

***Baby break. Because it's after midnight and my kid is STILL awake***

Anywho, even thinking about cooking is enough to make me not cook in the first place. I am always trying to keep meals new so I scour the Internet for recipes that are quick and simple (Because hey, I don't really want to do it in the first place)... but alas, Desiree is awesome and she's uber modest so she'll probably be embarrassed by my admiration of her, but I had to say it.

I've picked up this deplorable habit called BREAK AND BAKE cookies... yaw remember how I wouldn't eat sweets while pregnant??? Well, that's no longer true. My desire is back in full force. And let's not forget how I'm going to Miami August 3, 2012 so that means I need to make a change! I don't know how much I weigh right now, and although I don't see a huge weight increase, I know I could be a lot smaller if I stopped eating these frigging cookies.

My ZoZo is a complete skinny mini- she's 9.05 lbs and 23 inches! She eats like crazy but we have to go for a 3 month appointment in November so her weight can be checked. LUCKY KID. #jussayin. Shopping for her is hard because she's so long, the 3 month clothes are long enough but they ENTIRELY too big. The waist hangs off and her pants legs look like cylinder balloons. Are any of yaw running into this issue?

My ladies discussing fall fashions.

Tah- Tah for now, I am going to eat cookies while Zo is sleep!!!! GAH

Emotions

2011-10-12T23:04:00.000-04:00

I'm not really good at dealing with them.... emotions, that is. In particular, comforting a person or other people's tears.

One of my best friend's from middle school's father is having his life support ended tomorrow. I've been up at the hospital with her and the family twice this week. I was there yesterday when they received the news that there was really nothing the doctors could do. Everyone was visibly upset but I felt extremely awkward... I had no idea what to say to comfort them.

It's extremely sad. Like I said, I've known them since middle school... I've spent countless summers sitting on her porch with her family and our other friend, just being goofy. We have reminisced on sayings we've picked up from her dad. We are extremely close. I feel she knows me better than anybody..... ANYBODY. And yet, I don't know what to do to comfort her.

Tears make me really uncomfortable. So I find myself trying to distract or keep them in a happy place (as happy as they can be at a time like this)..... I feel a little too masculine right now.

Please keep my friend and her family in your prayers.

'tis Life!

2011-10-05T13:36:00.000-04:00

I haven't been posting TONS because really not much interesting is going on (besides my kid) and I really don't want to write just anything down. PLUS, she keeps me tons busy when we're at home and we've been ripping and running a lot (because she gets tired of being at the house with me, I can tell!)

I posted resumes yesterday for SEVERAL jobs but do I really want them??? Nahhh. I thought about leaving Zo and it made me shed a few tears... I know no one else is gonna do her like I do. And I don't want to miss a minute. I see how she is with my family- she lets them hold her for a few minutes and then cries for me and I don't want her doing that at daycare- looking for me and I'm not there. :(

But God'll show me where I need to be....

I have a bunch of random photos to share with you guys.

J and I went shopping and he wore our baby... I thought it was sexy. ;) And you could see the smiles the other women was giving him when we were in the store.

Me and her started going to bible study again.. .I wore this!

I'd went shopping at Old Navy a few weeks ago and couldn't resist buying for myself. I spent only $50 and got 3 dresses, 4 shirts and 1 short sleeve sweater. I was so proud!!!

Here are my girls:

My baby girl has cradle cap on her face!!! Her face is a peeling hot mess. At first it wasn't a big issue, but she started scratching her face so it got all red and puffy... the doctor told me to wash her face with Neutragena T/Gel shampoo (and be verrry careful not to get it in her eyes) once a day.. She said it should be better in a week. They told me not to put anything on top (like baby lotion or Aquaphor) and I am trying to resist but geez, it's peeling... Two days ago, I started noticing it in the front of her head- UGH. PLUS, two days ago, my husband and I noticed she had a black spot on her tongue!!! We googled and didn't find anything alarming so I called her doctor and she said it's occurred with two of her patients before and they can't explain why but it eventually goes away and I have nothing to worry about.

I had to take her to the pediatric cardiologist last Friday because her doctor heard a murmur which she said was probably normal but she just wanted to be sure and everything checked out- Zo is still just as healthy as we thought! Her murmur is normal and shouldn't cause any future issues.

She's 8 weeks now and several things are making me melt:
1. She scoots up next to me when we're sleep.. no matter how many times I push her towards the center of the bed.

2. She coos very loudly, especially when people talk to her in that high pitched baby voice.

3. She follows me and J around the room with her eyes!!

4. She is cool riding in a car. (No more hollering, YESSS!!!!)

5. She likes her swing now.

6. I no longer feel like I'm feeding her every hour. We seem to have some sort of a schedule worked out now.

Adventures in Baby-ing

2011-09-26T06:44:00.016-04:00

Being a mommy for 6 weeks, now I've learned a few things. Laugh with me!

1. Assume NOTHING: On my last post, you guys read how I was taking Benadryl, right? So yesterday, I noticed how my child was sleeping like crazy and I took it upon myself to google whether you could take Benadryl while breast feeding.... then I called our after hour pediatrician line and found out it causes "DROWSINESS AND SEDATION IN INFANTS." DOH!!!! My kid has been drugged and I did it. WTF??? I assumed that because I could take it while pregnant that it was still OK to take. *LESSON LEARNED*

2. Time is NOT on your side. Everything I do now is rushed.... eating, showering, running to the store, doing my hair, etc. I have to do it between her naps or before she starts acting a royal fool (my child HATES riding in the car and the sound of her screaming is enough to get me frazzled), so let's just say my nickname is now Speedy Gonzales.

3. Beautifying is a luxury. Don't get me wrong, I am determined to keep myself looking cute, as much as I can... but now, my regular 2 showers/day have been reduced to 1 (while the husband is home) and a ho-bath per day (you know, washing the essentials) when he is NOT! It's a luxury when I can exchange that ho-bath for an extra shower. I do my nails when she is sleeping, which means I've traded those bright colors on my hands for something nude (which doesn't show as much when chipped when I don't have time)

4. Don't ever say what you won't do as a parent. Prior to baby Zoe, I had it all planned out- she was going to sleep in her playard in our room and when I felt like she was old enough, she'd get moved to the crib in her room. Well, it is not happening like that. Zoe sleeps in OUR BED. *gasp* ~~Who's not making whoopee anytime soon?~~ My husband works 2 jobs which means that most of her care is on me right now. The first night, I tried to put her in the playard and within minutes she woke up crying.... I played the calm her down, put her to sleep, and put her back in there game for a few nights and by the third, I was so tired that I was seeing twins... so I put her in our bed. And that's where she has slept ever since. (Hey, I wake up rested!)

5. You will find yourself constantly shopping for your child because you feel she needs EVERYTHING. Fast forward to every trip I make to Target- I always have to go the baby section. (I am ridiculous dot com). Also, my child hates tummy time and not only was I told in our parenting classes, but also it says in all of my baby books, PLUS my mama makes sure to ask me all of time if I'm doing it. And I wasn't... because she cries the whole time and who wants to see their baby cry- so I bought her this Activity Gym and Play Mat to help her do tummy time and guess what my child does-

LAYS DOWN UNTIL SHE FALLS ASLEEP... Zoe said, "I ain't doing it Mama."

6. You are the parent, but she is the boss!!!! I never, NEVER believed this before having a kiddo. I believed that I was the adult therefore the person in charge, and furthermore SHE WAS GONNA DO WHAT I SAID!!! Ummm, notsomuch. At least not at this age (and from what my godson's mama said, not any time soon)- you find yourself dong whatever it takes to make her happy and comfortable- even if it means staying in the house for a whole week because you know how much she hates being in the car. ;)

7. Lastly, breastfed baby poo is a MONSTER. First off the consistency is totally different. Secondly, it leaves bright yellow-orange stains on whatever it gets on that is resistant to regular spray 'n wash and washing.

So I had to google this because google has always been a constant friend to me that has never let me down on information.... I found that I should use DREFT stain remover on the spot.... then use the detergent and cold water and rub the stain out like crazy.... and never put the stained item in the dryer until the stain was successfully removed (only 1 item of clothing was lost before I found that out).... also, putting the item in the sun can remove the stain, something about the vitamin D.

So to even prevent stains from occurring, not only do I wait 5 minutes after she's pooped to change her, but I change at lightening fast speed.

(BLANK) brained

2011-09-22T14:39:00.000-04:00

I couldn't think of a title for this post.... I am too high on ~~life~~ BENADRYL to even think... Allergies are kicking my butt... and Zoe is still suffering from allergy symptoms (because they say babies can't have allergies).... and I am sleeeeeepy.

Anywho, we've been ripping and running all week though- trying to get her out of the house because I think we were getting on each others nerves. She had a doctor's appointment with her NEW pediatrician on Monday, she got ONE shot. She cried for just a little bit and I was proud (because that meant I didn't have to cry also!)

I had to switch her doctor after an incident last week with her old doctor,

I checked in and told the front office that I didn't have the new insurance card but I had all the information off the cards ... she said she'd call me up if there were issues.

So, she calls me up and tells me that the insurance is saying Zoe is not covered and I either need to pay $104 or reschedule her appointment. She said the one month old check up isn't that important because all they do is check their weight and give them a shot (which she said could wait until the 2 month appointment- I wasn't comfortable with that).

So, I go back to my car.. .call the health insurance and they confirm ZOE IS ON THE POLICY...

I go back in the office tell her what I know. And then take a seat... she calls me back up and says that we are not on the online site but she called and spoke with United Healthcare and confirmed Zoe is on the insurance but since they cannot fax anything to confirm what they told her, SHE HAS TO BE TREATED LIKE SHE DOESN'T HAVE INSURANCE.

I said, so you have talked to United, and they have TOLD you we have insurance but yet you guys cannot take that???

She said yes, because they can tell you anything.

I said that is just retarded, grabbed my kid, and left.

On my way to the garage, I had a second thought, and came back in the office.

So I told the receptionist, I need to sign a release of health care info because we are switching practices because I'm not dealing with this crap. She gives me the paper and while I am feeling it out, explains over and over about how they need something for the insurance to which i DID NOT acknowledge.

So we're somewhere new now. I was so mad!!!! But here's her stats: 8.10 lbs (50th percentile) and 22" (75th percentile).. I can't believe how much she's grown since she was born (she was 17 in").

In the meantime, I had my 6 week check up and my goodbye to my high risk OB/GYN.. it was kinda sad because I liked him sooo much, and they fawn over my kid (which I kinda love). I lost 30 lbs, which ummmm, why can't that happen outside of baby weight? Jusssayin'. My face is sooo broken out yaw- it's kinda depressing. But the doc said it was my hormones and there was really nothing I could do about it. :(

But then I look at this....

And who even cares about having Pepperoni face????

Bored DOT COM

2011-09-15T15:46:00.001-04:00

(If you watch the Braxton Family Values, you've heard.... DOT COM plenty!)

Me and the kid have been in the apartment in a few days and I'm getting CABIN FEVER.. Let me tell you why.

I live in Indiana which is just a short bridge ride from Kentucky. We have three bridges which carry your back and forth. Friday, one of those bridges was shut down because of it had cracks that could cause a catastrophic event. That made the traffic on the other two bridges RE-DONK-CULOUS. Our city is crazy right now... my friends that live over here, have to now leave the house at 6:00 to ensure they are at work by 8. (Did I say we were a SHORT bridge ride away?) Traffic is awful and considering I have a teensy weensy kiddo who HATES riding in the car, the thought of us getting stuck in traffic is enough to make me home bound since all of the fun stuff is in Kentucky.

Soooo, here we are.. in the house watching up all of the bad TV shows, i.e. Basketball Wives of LA and Bad Girls Club. If I'm not learning anything else, I'm learning to curse a person out.

We took Zoe to church last Sunday- our first Sunday back!!!! She was perfect- in both church and Sunday School. I was extremely nervous about how she would act but she slept. I had pumped out a bottle for her and she probably got more milk than she'd ever gotten so I think she was BREAST MILK WASTED.

Here's what she wore, gifted from one of the ladies of my former blog, now friend:

She looks like she's doing her best impersonation of a B-Boy.

Tomorrow, the both of us have doctor's appointments so we HAVE to brave the traffic, Jesus be a fence.

You know how I love Lalah Hathaway, right??? How about my daughter is also a fan. So, yesterday, I wanted to put a relaxer in my hair and take a shower and she was crying like crazy and wouldn't go to sleep and I didn't feel comfortable doing it while she was awake because my baby HATES her swing and she slides out of the BOPPY when I'm not around, so I have to HOLD her- therefore getting nothing done. So I got the nifty idea to put her in her car seat and turn on Lalah Hathaway on Pandora radio. One of her songs popped up first, and Kid. You. Not, Zoe was sleep in 5 minutes...

And she SLEPT. I had time to do everything I needed to do and then some!!! My kid has good taste. ;)

Damn You Ohio Valley!!!

2011-09-07T14:22:00.000-04:00

Everyone (well, a lot of us) around these parts has allergies due to our location. This evil has fallen upon my baby girl... or so I think. Her eyes are extra watery and I have to constantly clean the boogies from her nose so she can breathe. I hear the congestion while I'm breastfeeding, she breaths so loudly and I feel bad for her. I'm considering moving just so she doesn't have to deal with this (psych- I'm not that crazy)... but still, I wish she didn't have to deal with it.
Life with her has still been amazing, even when she wakes up in the early morning hours to play. (Saturday night, she was up until 5 am- GOD HELP ME!). And EVEN WHEN SHE POOPS ON ME (that has happened!) I love her little face. We've been getting out and about and yesterday I took her to Macy's because she needed warm clothes immediately.

Our weather has changed from 101 degrees on Saturday to a high in the 60s or 70s all this week and I was ill prepared. My baby had about ONE fall outfit (thanks to one of my blog sisters sending us the gift) and we needed some ASAP.

Overall, I give her behavior an A-. She whined because she was hungry and sleepy. Thankfully, Macy's has a sitting area before you get the women's restroom (something about feeding my kid near a toilet gives me the heebie jeebies) and I went down there to breast feed. I was comforted when another mama was down there doing the same thing. (I'm proud to be a member of the mommy club!) But geez, people want to stop you constantly and comment on how tiny she is or this or that and I appreciate compliments and all, but I was really trying to fly in and out of the store- QUICKLY.

This is me yesterday, trying to be all "hipster mommy" with the Converse. The hat is hiding hair that is a MESS. I have had no time to get a haircut.

This is the first full body picture I've seen of myself since having her- I'm not disgusted at all. POW!

Me and ZoNo who looks NOTHING like me (save for the light skin tone)

My niece has BLOWN UP... the formula definitely has made a difference. She's so happy, I love her spirit.

P.S. I received an email from Jason of PocketChange blog giving me their Editor's Pick award. It was very unexpected and I appreciate it very much. You never know who is reading!!!!

Also, I won a clutch from StyleChic 360! WOOOP WOOP!!! Just the thing for my wardrobe because Lord knows- shopping is not gonna be about me for some time now. ;)

The Aftermath

2011-08-30T20:27:00.000-04:00

Zoe is three weeks old today. I've still been loving on her constantly and kissing her. I've got to get them in now because she probably won't let me when she gets older.

As you guys have read, I had an unexpected C-section to get her out here into this wonderful world. The healing period was rough but beginning last week, I started to feel like my pre-preggo self (minus still having that "cycle" from hell.)

I have been walking twice although I'm not sure if I should be doing it all all just yet.... (just regular walking, not power walking). I'm not sure how much weight I've lost because they haven't been weighing me at my doctor's appointments. (Next week, I am gonna DEMAND to get on the scale), but I don't feel as swollen. My ankles have gone back to their normal size but my foot size, notsomuch. I tried on a pair of my heels last week, just to see if I could still walk in them - it's been a looonnnnnnngggg hiatus- and I couldn't make it two steps. They felt as if they were two sizes too small. Aye dios mio and Jesus be a fence- PLEASE let my feet go back to an 8 1/2, I have too many nice shoes that I can't part with. One of my girls, who just had a baby, had to PERMANENTLY increase her shoe size.

My fear with having a baby was that my belly would turn into a deflated balloon- all loose goosey and saggy. I wasn't exactly starting with a six pack, but I didn't want to accumulate any more stomach than I had. When I was first able to get around and REALLLLY take a good look at my stomach fresh out of the shower, I was in for it. Not only is it the deflated balloon, but I have ten thousand stretch marks. I like to call my stomach the road to success. Oh and they don't stop there... they make a trail ending at the very top of my thighs... one would think I'd be pissed right? Oh no, I'm not at all. I look at my baby girl and she's worth every war wound. Plus, I'll be 31 this year. I would probably be feeling a little differently if I was in my early to mid 20s.

Now about the deflated balloon look- I asked my doctor if I should be doing something in the meantime, ie. wearing a girdle... and he replied, "that's not gonna do anything but make you uncomfortable. It won't make one bit of difference, but don't tell your granny I said that." Womp womp.

On the food tip, my affection for milk seemed to disappear right after she was born. I've been craving fried chicken salads from Zaxby's and my aversion to sweets is gone- I have been eating break and bake cookies. BAD SUNNY!!!!!

#Mommy Fail

2011-08-28T13:11:00.000-04:00

I don't know what possessed me to take my two week old baby into Target.... but against my better judgement, I did.

I reasoned that I only wanted to pick up some detergent, burp cloths, and receiving blankets and I'd be out of the store. She'd been fed about an hour and a half before but I tried to wake her up to feed her before we even got in the store and she was dead to the world...

.... or so I thought.

I put her car seat into the Target basket and proceeded to zip through the store to grab what I needed in Daytona 500 fashion. I became panicked when I couldn't immediately find the FREAKIN' RECEIVING BLANKETS. Evidently, my Target had decided to remodel and they'd moved EVERYTHING. Zoe started to stir in her seat and I screeched to a halt as if someone had caught me in an act. When she stopped, I proceeded to walk again.

That only awakened the beast because in ten seconds, she started to let out that enh-enh-enh wail that I love her so much for. I talked to her, but no bueno. I had to pick little mama up. Well, I'm new at this mommy thing so I immediately started to sweat like I was running on South Beach in May while wearing a jogging suit. The thought of carrying this tiny baby PLUS pushing a basket gave me a mini anxiety attack (she's STILL too small for the carrier that we'd purchased).

But I did it... I quickly located the receiving blankets and ~~RAN~~ speed walked to the detergent section. This little old lady meandered up to me and my child who's irritation level is now at a 7. She touched her arms (I wanted to BREAK HER ARMS OFF- don't touch my kid) and told me how she looked like a little doll. She told me that it'd been so long since she had her own babies and at any other time, I'd be the most sweetest faux granddaughter you'd ever meet, but see, my baby here, is about to act a PLUM FOOL.

So, after I get old lady #1 to leave, nosy shopper #2 is walking my way because at this point, enh-enh-enh (the little engine that could) has turned into a full out wail! This lady yells out (because she's still a good way from me), "how old is she- 2 months?" And I return, "2 weeks," give her no eye contact, and proceed to look at detergent. She yells out, "oooh, she's like a little doll," and "sounds like she's hungry." I mutter, "shut up b*tch" and again, pick up the detergent and fly toward the check out lanes...

Too many people are looking at us, so I give no eye contact to ANYONE, not even the cashier, and I silently urged her to ring me up LIGHTENING FAST, so I could go.

I was so frustrated and I believe everyone around me could tell it because no one said anything else to me. I had given off my "shutthestuffup" vibe. I bolted out of the store and proceeded to toss my things in the car, turn the air conditioner on, and hop into the backseat with my kid, and whip the breast out!

Whatcha Doin'???

2011-08-27T22:26:00.001-04:00

I've been in Mommy mode. So far, this thing's been pretty easy. I'm still unemployed (not by choice though) but that's allowing me the strength to be at Zoe's every beck and call. I'm able wake up refreshed (even after only 2 hours of sleep) READY to feed her. I'm able to let my husband rest. So perhaps, having no job right now is not so bad. Perhaps it's where God wants me to be.

I'm not giving up, I've still been applying but if I don't hear anything back, I don't get disappointed. I know that when it's time for me to work, everything is going to fall into place as He works it out.

She's such a good baby, I can't even complain. She hardly cries but even when she's does (out of hunger), I don't let that go on for long. BTW, she has the funniest cry, it's like an engine starting, enh-enh-enh-enh.

I'm exclusively breast feeding and today I had a consultation with a lactation specialist. When she was born, she weighed 7.4 lbs, but when she left she weighed, 6.10. At her appointment last Monday, she was 6.7. I know babies tend to lose weight but still, I was wondering if she was eating well.

I got a ton of help with breastfeeding information while in the hospital and someone has even called to check up on us since we've been home. But about two days ago, Zoe started to get really fussy while I'm feeding her. She whines and pulls back from my breast like she's gasping for air. Of course when the consultant was watching her feed, Zoe was on her best behavior, so all she could do is give us some handouts and tell me what it could possibly be. I'm thinking she's latched on poorly and I have too much milk. (You've got to stuff that areola completely in her mouth, even if you feel like you've put it too far.)

We also had a doctor's appointment today and her weight is up to 7.6 lbs, so she IS eating. (makes me feel good!)

I am cherishing these moments right now. I'm not listening to what people say about "spoiling" her and instead are relying on the words from my baby bibles "It is impossible to spoil a baby at this age." So she sleeps on my chest and gets kissed and hugged on whenever I feel like it!

A Big Ole' Crybaby

2011-08-17T19:28:00.000-04:00

Our stay in the hospital was pretty cool. I didn't let Zoe out of my sight unless they were running tests on her and if they were gone too long, they were hit with an, "Nurse, when is my baby coming back?" My protective lioness instinct IMMEDIATELY kicked in. She slept in the room all night and I even broke my rule and allowed her to sleep with me.

I had to stay in 3 days since I had a C-Section and one day, I found myself in tears, thinking about women who can't (or have been told they "can't"- beause GOD has the final say) have children and how they wouldn't experience what I felt right then... and I was sad for them.

Since then, I pretty much have my boughts with teary eyed-ness when looking at her because she's so sweet. And I feel so much love for her and I think about how fast these "baby" moments go and I don't want them to. I seriously see how you can bank on having two children and end up with five now. They're angels (let's see if I'll still be saying this when she's 15.)

Even in the middle of the night, when Zoe wakes up at 3 am bright eyed, and I'm nodding off with her in my lap and one of my breasts in her mouth, I can still see it. I can't imagine NOT running to my baby girl for whatever she needs, no matter how I'm feeling at the moment.

The healing process from the C-Section haa been pretty rough. Everyone says I look good moving around but maybe I'm playing it off pretty good. ;) The first 3 days home, it was like my body would shut down. My muscles got stiff, I had a headache, a very slight fever and I couldn't stop trembling. But still, whenever Zoe was ready to eat, I needed whoever was holding her to hand her over ASAP (my baby will NOT starve!) so I could take over. I've been to the doctor twice this week already because I've been having issues with ithe incision... and I feel like I move slow. But it's all for my baby and I'll do it with a coke and a smile!

And to think, at one time, I'd totally shut down the idea of mommyhood, and convinced myself that I'd be ok without this.

Birth Story Continued....

2011-08-14T23:55:00.000-04:00

Where was I??? Oh yeah, LEAKING!!!!

Ok, so after changing undies TWICE because my water was steadily breaking, I to just sit on the toilet until my husband came home.

I stayed on the phone with him the whole way, urging him to run red lights and everything. Again, I was not in any pain, I was just nervous. I was worried about what that contractions would be like once they finally hit me.

Once we got to the hospital, we went into the triage area and were immediately checked in. I was given the ass-out gown (that I hate) and shown a little holding area hidden behind a curtain. After I was checked, it was confirmed that I was 1 cm dilated, and they started preparing my room.

I was still not in a whole bunch of pain, just minor menstrual-like cramps. The nurse came with the wheelchair and as they helped me down off the bed, my water gushed. The floor needed a caution sign. I was squatting because I felt so gross "down there." I asked the nurse how long I was gonna be leaking like this and she said until labor started- DISGUSTING. She handed me a towel because I refused to sit down wet bottomed and all.

Once I was wheeled into Labor and Delivery (the room where it all goes down- from the warm up to game time), the cramping started kicking in. Mind you, I am NOT a woman who "handles" pain. I will take a pill in a hot minute.  In our childbirth preparation class a few months back, I learned there were meds you could request before it was actual time for an epidural, in order to take the edge off.

So you know what I did right???? Um, yeah. "Umm, nurse what can ya'll give me for pain?"   She made me wait entirely too long in my non-tolerant mindset but when she came in with a shot of something, I could've kissed her. I have no clue how dilated I was at this point, all I know is I had cramps and I wasn't having it. She put that shot in my IV and immediately, my head felt like I was on a carnival ride. I leaned back and couldn't lift that sucker up.

What happened in between time is a blur... I know I vomited once because those cramps were THAT bad. I know there was a lot of breathing and shaking my leg and rocking back and forth on the bed. At some point, the hospital doctor came in who was a complete DOUCHE BAG. I was hurting something awful, I was sitting up on the bed with the pillow curled into a C on my stomach. I guess I thought that would help ease the pain. Let me preface and say this doctor NEVER checked me.   He asked me how I was and I remember telling him not too good. I expressed that I was in some serious pain. He responded that since this was my first child, I would probably be in labor from 16 to 17 hours and that my doctor would be in later to check me out. He also expressed to me that I didn't "appear to be in that much pain," because I was not very vocal. (Mind you, I am not a screamer in the first place.) He left the room.

I was crestfallen. Once that jack ass closed the room door, silent tears fell. I was in some serious pain and no one was doing anything. My husband was at a loss at what to do because he also didn't know I was hurting as bad as I was. The nurse came in shortly and was checking the frequency of my contractions on the computer. At some point, I jumped off the bed. I must've scared her and J but I didn't care. I was in that much pain and had to get someone to do something, I was ready to start ripping IVs out of my arm. She told me to lay down so she could check me.

The nurse exclaimed, "honey, you are 7 to 8 cm dilated and we need to get you an epidural before it's too late."  Oh My Gah! I really don't know what I was feeling- somewhere between highly pissed off and relieved.

Once the anesthesiologist came in and gave me the "miracle from heaven," I was ready to get the show on the road. At that point, I was 10 cm dilated. My husband called my family and they were at the hospital pretty quickly. I'm happy to say they cooperated. I didn't mind them being in the hospital room before delivery and they were. When the doctors came in and spread my legs open to check me, they left without any struggle. Now, we simply had a waiting game. Although I was 10 cm dilated, Zoe had not came down into position for birth.

My wonderful doctor came in and explained that every time I had a contraction, Zoe's heart rate dropped. He wanted to give me some meds to stop my contractions and wait to see if she would descend. After about an hour or two, he came back and said we had to move to plan B, a c-section.

At this point, I was still high on life aka the epidural and still feeling good. I didn't care how we had to get Zoe out, as long as she was out and healthy. I was prepped for surgery and JT was given his full surgery garb. I was given more drugs, something to numb me from chest down. I was a little scared but since my husband was right beside me, I was gonna be ok

As I entered the room, all of my fears were put to rest. The room was pretty small and a soft white, it felt NOTHING like an operating room. There were all types of conversations going on around me. My husband had to stay out in the hall while they got everything ready and I started feeling nauseous. Vomit, once again.

Every one around was so nice, they kept checking on me and asking if I was ok, even though I couldn't feel a thing. I was exhausted and kept trying to doze off during surgery but they wouldn't let me.

The surgery went pretty fast and soon we heard the cries of baby Zoe!!!  Everyone congratulated us and told us how adorable our baby girl was.  They gave her to J and began the process of finishing me up. That was the longest part of the whole thing. I was pretty loopy so I didn't really express any emotion but a few silent tears to which the anesthesiologist wiped up. I was crying not only because of her, but the "pressure" I felt made me think I couldn't breathe- scary!

Introducing Zoe Noelle!!!

2011-08-11T14:44:00.000-04:00

I have a little break here so I'm gonna tell you guys a lil' something... Get close, Closer, OK. *whispers* I am a mommy!!!! Yep, you read it, baby girl is here.

I'm in the hospital and she's sleeping in her "crib" giving my boob a break and allowing me to get in the shower, so I can write a lil' post! So here's the scoop, Ruth:

Monday, I had made "plans" (very loose term) to wash the walls in my apartment and clean up. What do they say about the "best made plans....?" Yeah, because what actually happened was me laying on the couch allll day. I couldn't move. I had zero energy. Then at 9:00 pm, I decided I wanted to make dinner for my hubby the next night and I was craving a peach cobbler. So I went to walmart to get the ingredients. I came home, made the cobbler, and seasoned the chicken to marinate for the next day.

I went to bed a little after midnight and got up around 1:30 am because I had to pee. After the deed was done, I lifted my leg to get back in the bed and felt a "pop" like a balloon popping. I didn't panic immediately but I felt something warm down my leg. I thought, I just peed, wth? So I went to the restroom and sat down and water trickled out. I still didn't think anything because I thought "the bags of water" would be tinged with pink or something...so I laid back down. (Seriously, WHO does this??? SAM- Smirk At Myself)

Then, when I laid down, there was a gush, so I ran to the restroom again and called my husband, who was at his 2nd job, about 30 minutes away... I tell him what's going on and whilst pacing and shaking like leaf. I don't know why I was shaking, but I couldn't stop. He told me to call my doc and I did and jumped in the shower.

So the doc told us to come on in to the hospital and I called my husband back to rush him home. I wasn't in any pain because the contractions hadn't come yet but I was just unsure of what to do. I paced around the house, double checking our already packed bags and trying to put some clothes on, WHILE I KEEP "LEAKING."

Story will be continued on next post... baby girl is waking up and side eyeing me. She does that very well.

Still Pregnant

2011-08-06T23:22:00.000-04:00

It's 11:00 at night and I'm eating pizza from Pizza Hut. Yep, that's right- pepperoni, cheese and extra sauce. I've been a pig. I've craved McDonald's cheeseburgers this week, and I guzzle large Hi-C Orange drinks (also from McDonald's) like they are smalls. Sweet baby Jesus, I need these habits gone as soon as the baby comes out.

And at my doc's appointment Friday, I learned: ZOE IS STUBBORN. She hasn't descended... still. I had lunch with an old-coworker later on and she told me she was pregnant for 42 weeks. (LAWD, GET ME A STRAIGHT JACKET!!!) Please, PLEASE, don't let that be me!

I've gotten a wealth of compliments and God bless you and your baby while out and about this week. It's very sweet and a nice change from "woooooow, you're SO BIG!"

I've walked my tail off this weekend, hoping for a little piece of progress. My aunt, mom, granny and Yanna-pooh (what I've been calling my niece) went shopping for fabrics. We are gonna do a little photo shoot with the girls in tu-tus and headbands with the flowers on them. My aunt is so creative. She's already made one of them and it's so pretty. I can't wait for the baby pics!

Did I mention how I love going to the movies during the week??? No one is really there and I don't have to worry about anyone sitting down right beside me in the movie theatre. I really hate that. I need my space. My husband and I saw Captain America during the week. I wasn't uber impressed, although the main actor, Chris Evans??? Um, yeah, he made it worth watching. lol. He's got abs for days.

Speaking of LOL, my friend posted this joke on facebook that she had gotten from a comedian that instead of saying, LOL, you should say SALTS for Smiled A Little Then Stop. I cracked up for minutes about that because when you think about it, do you ever truly LOL, every time you put that?

37 weeks, But Who's Counting?

2011-08-01T09:55:00.001-04:00

My niece is now 8 weeks old and doing her best Powerpuff girls imitation. She is seriously the sweetest thing ever. I always used to feel so awkward talking to babies but with her, I get right up in her face asking her questions and letting her know how beautiful she is. She now gurgles in response- yesterday was her first time with me. Ahhhh- I miss her already, guess I know where I'll be later today.

My granny gets so frustrated with me because before she holds her, I remind her to wash her hands. GAH. She says, "granny's hands were ok for you Sunny," but I'm trying to get her to realize it's not her. It's the stuff she touches, she doesn't realize what the people who touched the, i.e. door handle before her, did. People are gonna hate me. I am the hand wash monitor. Zoe's baby bag has a big container of sanitizer already in it. I AM protecting the Lion Cubs!

S/N: I take pictures of her constantly. If I am this annoying with my niece, can you even STAND to think of what I'll be with Zoe? I am gonna need an intervention!!! *gasp*

I had a doc's appointment on Friday. The baby has NOT descended, contrary to what I had ~~thought~~, ~~psyched myself up to believe~~, hoped. Sooooo, it doesn't look like she'll be here anytime soon (Read: TOMORROW). I'm now 37 weeks preggars. Whoo-hoo... and per the doc's words, "the baby is looking perfect." Who doesn't like hearing that about their teeny tiny little creation? Of course we have a ton of 3D ultrasound pics.

My friend (who had a normal pregnancy) only had 2 ultrasounds the entire time she was pregnant, and I've more than I can even count. I have pictures everywhere. I need a good suggestion on what to do with them all. **come on creative chicas!!!!!!**

This is what she looks like now. She has a ton of hair and makes a mean face (sounds like me!)

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Aren't 3D ultrasounds hilarious???! My granny gets amazed when she looks at them. She told me yesterday how painful her delivery was with my mama because they didn't have epidurals back then. My response: "O M G, granny, and you decided to have a second baby behind that???? Not gonna be able to do it!!!!"

What do you think- does she look like baby Sunny????

Randomosity...

2011-07-26T11:34:00.000-04:00

.... which is the direct opposite of Kimora's "Fabulousity".

1.   I'm bummed by the death of Amy Whinehouse because I loved her. I know she had her issues but that gal could SANG.... I mean, none of this stuff: Non-singing (As much as I love this song and think this girl is cute as all get out, she is NO AMY!!!)

But alas, on my yahoo this morning, I saw a clip of Amy's god daughter, Dionne Bromfield, who's voice is just as melodic and beautiful as hers. I'm hoping this kid makes it! I read that Amy had a great influence in her career and loved her to pieces. That definitely showed a more human side that the media was more than happy to keep away from us when telling us all about her rehab stints when she was alive.   ***OK, OK, stepping off soapbox***

2.   I'm getting bored with my hair.... dun dun dunnnnnn, you knew this was coming, right? ;) Browsing through my Instyle mag, I saw this picture of Ginnifer Goodwin and I fell.in.love. Soooo, this will probably be my new look. It's the perfect male/female contrast to me. You know I love some androgyny!

3. It's blasphemous to say but I am ready for fall. Second thought, let me shut my mouth because that would mean old man winter was right around the corner and sweet baby Jesus knows I am not ready for that.

4. By the end of this week, I will be 37 weeks preggars with little baby Zoe. I say to her, "any day now, any day now..." but she's not listening. She's eating good and sleeping good and doesn't have to deal with her high strung mama (me), so she's chilling. lol. I have been drinking milk like a toddler this entire pregnancy. Last night, you should've heard J exclaim, "JEEZ" as he watched me pour a huge glass and guzzle it. Hopefully that will go away after Zoe. I drink at least a gallon every 3 days by myself. We need a cow.

5. For my Miami trip next year, I'm going retro.

Hubba, hubba, right??? I figure with all the stretch mark aka Tony the Tiger stripes, I now have on my body, I won't be rocking a bikini any,time.soon. but there are plenty of sexy one pieces and I am gonna become queen of them.

I have ALWAYS loved the retro look. My dream is to find one in navy and white polka dots (because I love polka dots) with green, red, or yellow trim. If I was as creative as some of my fashion blog sisters out there, I could probably whip that bathing suit up in a snap.

"Darn you one track, uncreative mind!!!!!" **shaking fists**

6. Ahhh the delivery. Me and my mama butt heads like raging bulls. You guys know, you've seen me rant about it on a few occasions. Well, when I remind her (and the rest of my family) that no one will be in the delivery room but J, I get hit with "whatevas" and rolled eyes.

Woosah. Mind you, I'm 30. My mama is a woman of a certain age. But for some reason, when me and her disagree, we turn into 15 year old sisters. It. Gets. That. Serious. So right now, I'm feeling some kind of way because I feel like I'm not being respected. We talk about 5 times a day but since our latest head butting, I've been so rude to her. And I feel bad because she's my mama. But I'm irritated.

My rationale is: This is a special moment between me and my HUSBAND. This is God's, J's and my creation. He knows how to calm me down. (My mama knows how to rile me up.) I want the delivery experience to be a peaceful one. I don't want to have to talk, to chit chat, roll my eyes, get unsolicited advice (which my family is good for)... any of that. I just want to rely on my husband and allow him (and me) to enjoy this moment between us.

So, right now, I'm leaning towards not even calling my family until the baby has been born. Drastic??? I know, it may seem like it. But I'm over-it DOT COM. I'm over arguing about it. I'm grown and I want what I want. Everyone keeps saying, "yeah, you say one thing now but when the time comes, you'll want your mama".... and that's fine. But I think if that time comes, she should be ready to step in and stop being so dayum combative.

Woo-sah.

BABY WATCH CONTINUES.........

Maternity Pics

2011-07-21T00:47:00.001-04:00

Here's our photographer and a few of our maternity pics. She was such a sweetheart. We're facebook friends now. ;) She knows her stuff and told us how she began her career as nurse and completely switched gears to something she loved.

We pretty much laughed the entire time- J and I are so goofy. He said he felt awkward and I was laughing because of his awkwardness. I went to modeling school in my early 20s so I'm pretty comfortable in front of the camera ~~as much as I hate taking pics nowadays.~~

But we're excited to see the rest of the pics and to have Zoe photographed!

"Don't Worry, You're Pregnant"

2011-07-19T12:47:00.000-04:00

Trust, this is something that I won't forget. I am reminded that I'm pregnant every time I try to get up off the couch with a quickness and can't, have to roll out of bed, have to run to the bathroom like I have scoliosis because the pressure in my woman parts is so deep that I can't stand up straight or every time someone gives me the pity-smile.
***Sometimes, I feel like one of those rolly polly bugs that I used to play with as a child and turn them on their backs and watch them struggle to get back upright. Mean right??? Well, this must be ROLLY POLLY'S REVENGE I am experiencing.***

Again, (because I feel like I need a disclosure statement in my gripe sessions) I love my baby girl. I am thankful to God for entrusting me and my husband with the life of one of his angel's... I'm blessed that the CCAM that we were told we'd have to deal with when she was born has since disappeared.

But this is hard. There are days that I don't even want to write on my blog because I feel like I'm singing the same old depressed, whiny tune. And who wants to be known as Negative Nancy or Whiny Winny??? Certainly not me. It was never my schtick.

Enter today. My husband and I took our maternity pics Sunday evening. The weather was great, the photographer was awesome. She was so cool. She chatted with us the entire time and me and him couldn't stop cracking up in our pictures... well, she posted some of our pics today on her FB page and while she did a good job, I couldn't help but focus on how fat I was. It was depressing.

I sent J a text and told him our pics were up and he asked me what I thought. I text back that they were good but I didn't like myself. So he called, and I immediately cried quietly. He asked if I was crying and of course, I squeaked, "no." But because my husband isn't a slow observer sometimes he called me out on it and I told him how fat I was, sniffling.. He tried to make me feel better and say, "You're Pregnant," but trust, I don't think that is a good excuse.

Again, I think back to all of the skinny pregnant women... all of those little women in our Lamaze class who don't have chubby arms and fat faces and I grimaced. I can't be mad at anyone but myself. And it's so easy to say, "Don't compare yourself to others," or "Don't worry about the weight," but you can't sometimes you can't shut your brain off.

Preggo Chic

2011-07-15T09:00:00.000-04:00

Yep, it looks like I'm carrying a giant watermelon in there. It's funny because I never get to see that angle. Looking down on my belly, it certainly doesn't look that big (although it feels like it), it is!

But alas, I kept reading about wearing a maxi dress as a skirt, so I did. I got the dress at Target- it's not maternity, but it's a plus size 1, I think. And the tank is also Target (of course)... They should be googling me because I swear I've been promoting them since I had this blog. ;)

I haven't been rocking a ton of maternity clothing throughout my pregnancy because honestly, I don't feel like there is a big selection of it that I love. Women promote Motherhood Maternity store, but every time I go in there, I leave a little dejected. Most of these clothes aren't things I'd normally wear if they weren't maternity, so I can't do them now.

Luckily, I am unemployed so I don't have to worry about dressing up and my church is one of those casual churches. So a lot of my preggo wardrobe has consisted of jeans, leggings, and dresses. Dresses are by far the most comfy at this point. Maternity jeans have this belly insert that I hate, it itches and makes me feel like I am 10 seconds past suffocating so I always end up rolling it down within a few hours. I'm just now getting to the point where nothing in my closet really fits, I've purchased things here and there, mostly from Target.

S/N: What do you think of this outfit??? I wish I could've bought a TON of these shirts.

We got her travel system last night. My fave aunt bought it for us and J put it together as we watched the ESPYs. She had me pick out what I wanted because in her words, I was too picky. Swear , I wasn't though. I just said no Easter Bunny pink. lol.

Pretty neutral, right??? See, we have to keep it that way just in case the next one's a boy (which I dreamt we had last night!!!) Did I tell you about the doc's office visit last week? Welp, a couple walked in with a little girl, she looked about 4 and another one in a brown and pink carrier. The receptionist exclaims, "this is the little boy who gave us so much trouble coming out...." so I was confused. Although I usually don't subscribe to gender norms, the brown and pink butterflies made me think "girl". Well, the dad goes on to explain that he tried to get his wife to get a neutral color and looks mucho embarrassed. I'm trying to avoid going through that whole scene myself.

Sounds like heeeeeee

2011-07-13T12:06:00.000-04:00

My husband and I had Lamaze class this past Monday. We learned some very useful breathing techniques which of course, I forgot as soon as I walked out of the door. Thank God for my husband (he doesn't play selective memory ALL of the time. lol) So at night, when the Braxton Hicks start to really ~~rip me a new~~ one hurt and I feel like my uterus is the size of a 10 year old, he reminds me how to breathe until it's over.

All this had me thinking about my labor and I thought: (1) Lord, please don't have it wake me up out of my sleep, (2) Lord, PLEASE don't let me be home by myself (3) Lord, PLEASE DON'T LET IT HURT... alas, I know that third request is a long shot. ;)

The baby bed is up which makes everything more real! It didn't take J long at all to put it together, he's so smart. (iBrag) Now, I'm not even gonna tease about how long it took my dad and brother to put up my niece's bed. *snickers*

Presto change-O anddddd ~~we're~~ he's done.

S/N: Check out my aunt's cute little yorkie, Stormy. That teddy bear??? He attacks it like a pit bull.

How I've been feeling:
Ready for little Zoe to come on out and join us. I'll be 35 weeks on Friday. The third trimester in the pit of the summer is ROUGH. I am so freakin uncomfortable and will cry without a moment's notice (where on earth did THAT come from?) Last Friday, I sat in the doctor's office for over 2 hours before I was seen (some sort of emergency C section), and I was ready to snap-crackle-pop, as were the other pregnant women in there.

Perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad if I had some snacks in my purse, so you know what I'm taking this week. AND I changed my appointment time to 8:00 (bless my heart for that) in hopes to avoid that happen again.

Aye dios mio- Iyanna is looking like how I felt.

Random but Helpful
I have found a solution to my having to re-polish chipped nails every day. I picked up this stuff at Sally's and have been using it for over a month. I can get at least 5 day's wear out of it before I need to do a retouch. It's called Nail Life and I use the Gripper as a base coat and the Speed Dry topcoat, which really does work!!! And I do love my new Sephora polish- called I'm Wired. It's lets me be girly without being overly "pink."

Pregnancy makes my feet and hands swell like the KLUMPS! ;)

Checking In!

2011-07-06T14:12:00.000-04:00

I took this picture of Zoe and Iyanna....

I am so happy they are gonna grow up together. My friend Jess also has a baby girl who was born 2 days before Iyanna. So she's already got her little crew together. ;)

Iyanna is such a good niece. I'm watching her right now- this is my second time. I felt like my sister needed a break. She doesn't really cry too much in my opinion although it kinda seems that we have her spoiled. She likes to be held and really doesn't like her bed.

But when she's at my apartment, she turns into an independent woman. All I have to do is put her in the SwaddleMe and she's good. My aunt recommended them because she worked with children before she relocated here and the babies loved them. At first, I felt kind of bad using it because she looks like a baby burrito, and I think about how I'd be in a breathless panic with my arms tied down like that. But my aunt said it simulates the womb and they like to feel secure. So I use that and put her in Zoe's swing and she's happy.

My sister said she wants to take pictures of my bare belly and Iyanna also, so when she does, I'll be sure to share them on here. Our maternity photo shoot is next Sunday and I need to find something to wear (procrastinating!!!) It's going to be outside so pray for us and the heat. Please and thanks!

I'm now at my weekly doctor's visits. Last week they gave her a test (checking all of her vitals and such (?????) dontjudgeme!) and said she scored an 8 out of 8. Looking at her face on the 3D ultrasounds, her features are starting be more defined and I am pretty certain that she's going to look more like my husband than me.

Pregnancy Symptoms: I don't think I've ever been this tired. It just started to hit me on Sunday. I really don't have the energy to leave the house. Matter of fact, I dozed off NUMEROUS times during service. I remember my pastor said something and I was clapping and I had a smile on my face, and I nodded off while doing all of that. When my head jerked forward, I looked up and a choir member had been watching!!!! Welp, hope she enjoyed the show. I had to laugh at myself. I really want to just stay in right now; even going up the stairs to our apartment makes me start to feel weak. Then again, that could have something to do with the heat.

Other than that, I think everything is pretty "normal." (Is there ever a normal pregnancy?) I have been eating more. At night, I have to eat right before I go to bed and some mornings, like this one, I had to wake up so I could go ahead and eat breakfast. I'm regressing!!!

People are still doubting that I have until August and that I only have one baby in there. I've perfected my smile and nod technique, these people really don't want none of Sunny right now. I get extra agitated if I'm hot and turn into Angry Spice.

Preparing...

2011-06-29T08:38:00.000-04:00

If it weren't for getting ready for the arrival of Zoe, I probably wouldn't have much of a blog nowadays.

Every day, I pretty much go over my mom's house and love on my niece. My sister told me that Iyanna wanted to come spend the night tonight so let's pray about that. She does NOT sleep through the night, she's spoiled (she won't sleep in her crib, she likes to be held in bed with you) but she's so dang on cute. Sweet baby Jesus, I hope she's on good behavior.

Anywho, I've also been shopping, well really eye shopping because when it comes down to making a decision, I freak out!!! So I've been shopping for choices to give to my husband to make a final decision. This HAS to be because I feel like I'm shopping for another person, even though she's my person. It's just a lot of pressure and Ican'tdoitrightnow.

One of my friends from my previous blog sent us a gift card to Carters and prior to them, I'd never heard of the store (although I've seen the clothes in Target). So, I went shopping online for Zoe. The clothes are not expensive at all, and they are adorable!!! The package just came yesterday. Thanks again to Jade for introducing me to the store, they've found a new patron!

Good job staying away from pink, huh??

S/N: There are a plethora of baby girl clothes with sayings about "Daddy" on them. Zoe has a lot. Cute "Mommy" clothes are few and far between.

My husband and I went shopping last night to get the baby's crib, a play yard (which will stay in our room so she doesn't end up in our bed) and a cubby. We decided to go the cubby route because I didn't want to be traditional. I wanted her room to be cute but not overkill BABY oriented and different. So we got cubbies instead of a changing table or dresser. My friends told us the changing table was a waste of money for them because they ended up changing my godson where ever was convenient.

In our prenatal class, we were warned to stay away from bumpers and lankets so we only have the crib sheet. I'll have to get my decorating aunt over to give me some more tips on what we can do.

J stayed up last night putting the cubby together.

Don't mind all of her shopping bags around it! We wanted to have bins for clothes, sleepers, socks, etc.

He also wanted to put the crib together but it was past 11:30 and I wanted him to come to bed... I won! We hardly ever go to bed without each other and we've got to enjoy our quiet time while we can!

32 and counting

2011-06-27T09:08:00.002-04:00

I'm now 32 weeks pregnant.. at my Friday's appointment, I was told that I'm now 218.4 lb. and Zoe is 4.4 lbs.. she's healthy. We couldn't get any good pictures of her because she wouldn't move her hands and feet from her face. The baby moves constantly. She kicks, sometimes, so strong that I jump. It's unsettling. lol. She seems to be very active- except when I finally fall asleep. Hopefully that is a predictor of life with Zoe.

This is my belly right now. 'tis huge!!! Right now, I am OBVIOUSLY pregnant. This lady in Target the other day told me I looked exhausted and asked when I was due. When I told her August, she exclaimed, "wow, you are carrying a big baby in there." Let's hope she's not too big. The last thing I want to do is push, holler and scream trying to get her out.

My symptoms right now- numb hands or feet if in a position for too long, sore legs, CONSTANT restroom trips (I have to get up every hour to hour and a half at night, in the daytime, just about every 40 minutes), drunk sleepiness (the kind you shouldn't be driving with).... and other things that may come and go.

Motherhood is one of the things that does not scare me. I feel like I'm well experienced with taking care of children. I'm the oldest of four and have helped out with countless friends and my sister's friends kids. The only thing that makes me pensive is the lack of sleep!

Right now, I think the hardest thing I deal with is the weight. Sure, pregnancy is beautiful but when I see how I look versus:

skinny preggo women, it can be a hard pill to swallow... I worry about getting the weight off afterwards. I hope it's not hard because Lord knows I get discouraged easily. But as discouraged as I may get, I REFUSE to give up. I want to be able to run around and chase our daughter without getting winded. I don't have a ton of energy and I know it's because of my weight so that needs to be handled. Plus, my husband and I, along with 3 other couples are going to Miami next August.. and I need to be bathing suit ready. It's too hot there for a ton of clothes!

Other updates- I didn't get that job. I wasn't hurt or anything, I'm pretty numb about it. It's strange because I feel like I'm not getting any responses to my resumes and years ago, I had job offers coming left and right. I refuse to be negative though and instead, trust in God. It's just not my season right now. Instead I know, whenever He gets ready, I am ready!!!!

Baby Shower

2011-06-21T11:30:00.000-04:00

Hey ladies, my baby shower was this past Saturday and since pictures are worth 1,000 words.....

My husband and I got there early to set up the music on my iPod. I'd made a play list just for baby shower that included a bunch of neo-soul like music- Jill Scott, Musiq, Dwele, Lalah Hathaway, etc. I was trying to set the "ambiance." He loved on Iyanna. He said he finally felt comfortable holding her because she's so small.

My aunt (back from NY), Iyanna, my mama, and my sister

Me and Iyanna

Opening gifts- everyone pretty much stuck with what we requested. We appreciated that so much!

One of my friends playing a game where everyone thought the object was to draw the object in their envelopes the best, when in fact, the winner had to open their envelopes the neatest. It was a lot of fun.

My aunt- measuring my "girth"

Two of my girls. I love the decor that my girls put together.

The cupcake "cake"

We had a great time. I was lightweight "pissed" because a lot of my family that showed up to my sister's didn't show up to mine. My mama said it was because I had it in Indiana. See, I live in Indiana, which is a bridge away from Louisville, KY (where I was raised)... it's less than a 5 minute drive from downtown to downtown. But my family for some reason, avoids going over the bridge (Pollyanna, much?).

My mama warned me of that prior to the shower but I didn't (and still don't) care. I wanted to have my shower somewhere nice and my girl's clubhouse was perfect. If they let a bridge keep them from supporting my family, then they didn't want to be there in the first place.

On to the next.... I really appreciated those who came because we had a great time and had great food cooked by my mama and my girl's husband.

Dear God, It's Me Sunny...

2011-06-17T12:19:00.000-04:00

... sometimes when I pray, I wonder if God really hears me. I wonder if I'm doing it right. Sometimes I just don't "feel" anything when I pray.

When I'm really going through something, for instance, I wrote in a few posts ago how I'd prayed and cried for God to rid me of the "need" of this horrible man in my life-, prayer feels natural. I KNOW it's making a difference and I feel so much better after doing it.

But sometimes, I feel empty. Almost silly... like I'm praying out of routine.

So I picked up this book by Joyce Meyer, called "The Power of Simple Prayer," because I feel like I need reassurance. I want to know how to pray properly and ensure that He is hearing me. I need to know how to recognize His voice from my own desires.

I've began reading it and it mentioned how prayer should feel natural and you should be able to do it at any time of the day. It should feel like checking up on a friend since we have a Friend in Jesus.

I said a deep prayer today but I hope the point got across because I was also crying.

My husband and I were texting (he's at work) and I mentioned to him that we may have to look at relocating to another city in order for us to find careers because I want us both to be happy and able provide for our family. My husband is great- he is willing to work his tail off to support us, which means taking on more than one job. He moved here to be with me and hasn't been able to find anything permanent yet. He's been working for temporary agencies which is ok and all but I want him to be happy and to LOVE his job and to be able to work just one. I know I'm pregnant but I just feel lazy knowing while I am at home, he is working so much. He never complains but I'm hard on myself.

But to get back to the point, the thought of moving away makes me sad. My family is here. J is really close to my family now. We have a baby on the way. My niece is the same age is her. One of my friends just had a baby who will be the same age. We have friends here- really good ones. We have a great church here. My fave aunt (my mama's sister), my uncle and cousins who've always lived away from us because he's in the military are now back permanently. And I feel like by moving, I will miss so much. So it makes me sad. But I know God is with us.

I know that if I keep praying and believing, He will show us the direction we need to go in. It makes me think about Abraham in the bible who wanted a son badly and when God blessed him with one in his old age, He was challenged to sacrifice him for the sake of his belief in Him. Without question, Abraham took Isaac to the mountain and prepared to sacrifice him as the lamb. God stopped him and instead allowed him to sacrifice animals in His honor. He was pleased with Abraham.

And I wonder- perhaps this could be a test for us- to see how far on faith we are willing to step out.

I don't know- but until then, I'll keep praying with Joyce Meyer's help.

Make it plain, Jesus!

All Over the Place...

2011-06-13T16:52:00.000-04:00

This is me now, 30 weeks pregnant. I haven't gained much weight. At my appointment on Friday, I weighed 217.8. Zoe is getting bigger though- 3.5 pounds. The doctor told us that "the problem seems to have taken care of itself." So she seems to be a healthy baby girl right now.

**thanks God!**

I am determined to lose weight after I have her. My husband and I along with a 3 other couples want to take a trip to Miami next August and I need to look Sasha Fierce. Everyone else has pretty much gotten on a weight loss routine. I'm hoping to be back to a size 8 and I told my husband that if he helps me reach that goal, I'd grow my hair back long for him. He's been hinting about it for a few months now, I think he wants a fantasy or something. lol. I'll give him one!

I've been enjoying my niece. I'm seriously addicted to her. She's still teenie. My sister breasts feeds and bottle feeds because she feels like she doesn't get enough when she breast feeds. At her appointment last week, she weighed 5.4 pounds. She is CONSTANTLY hungry too!

Me and Iyanna- I guess my chest is like a super pillow.

When she's fussy, all I have to do is lay her up there.

Her mouth is either always open or like it is on this pic. It's funny because my little sister has held her mouth the EXACT same way since she was a kid. lol

She poses constantly.

Iyanna in her too big clothing. Her newborn clothes are too big!

Me and my sister (Iyanna's mama) at her baby shower.

When I hold her, Zoe kicks her.

Me and J have our photo shoot on July 17. We're having them done at a scenic park and I have no clue what to wear. I've been looking online for ideas.

Interview Update: I haven't received a response about the job I interviewed for. After I was told they should have a decision by last Monday and I didn't hear anything, I sent an email, but she didn't answer. I'm not gonna freak out about it or any other job though- whatever is for me, will be mine!

P.U.S.H.

2011-06-07T11:02:00.000-04:00

...This stands for Pray Until Something Happens, which I'm doing. I had an interview last week for a job that I reallllllly really want and I was told they should know something yesterday- and I'd be notified either way. (S/N: Thanks for encouraging me on my last post, guys!)

Yesterday went by, nothing... today is here, and I'm trying to be patient.

I KNOW that what God wants for me is for me but I can't stop obsessing. I'm what most will call a "control freak." I always have my hand in the pot. I know God doesn't work like that. I am SUPPOSED to give my cares to Him and let Him do His thang.

"I'm trying...."

I keep thinking about it- I dreamt about it last night. I want it SO BAD... But I have to remind myself that if God doesn't want it for me, then I have to be cool with it too.

Sidenote: I applied to another cool job last night. It's in the court system and it's third shift, just in case.

So God, I'm ready- where ever you see fit to put me!

A lot of people around me tell me to sit down and enjoy being pregnant, but what I've realized is, I am stubborn- I set out to prove people wrong. People want to place limits on me because I'm pregnant and I set out to shut them up! This girl in Sunday School told me, last week, that I didn't need to wear heels, that I should enjoy flats and I was beautiful without them. Now, I KNOW she didn't mean any harm but I don't think she knew who she was talking to. I will wear heels every Sunday until I give birth (and you all and my husband will just be hearing me complain about it).

Anywho, I WANT to work. I'm not used to chilling at home like this. Unemployment BLOWS and I feel so unproductive. Not working would be great when little Zoe gets here, but right now???? It's not working for me.

SECOND Sidenote: Zoe's middle name (for now) is Noelle. I wanted to change it because I was reminded of a few unfavorable women who were named Camille (her original middle name) and I couldn't have that stigma on my girl already. ;) I gave my husband the duties of giving her the middle name because I wanted him involved. He wasn't very confident, he didn't want to name her anything "stupid." But I told I had faith in him.

Baby Shower Invites

2011-06-02T13:20:00.001-04:00

A few posts back, I was struggling with how to write on my shower invites in a not-nasty way that I wanted folks to give us either gift cards to Target or stick to the registry. After using guidance from kay*, and we went with:

Dear Family and Friends,

We are so excited about our upcoming bundle of joy and hope that you will be able to join us for our special day celebrating Baby Zoe.

Our home is pretty small and we have no storage space to speak of. We want to be sure we have enough room for essential items for Baby Zoe, and are kindly asking that if you are considering bringing a gift that you give a gift card to Target instead.

We want to be SURE that we are well prepared for her arrival!!!!!

However, we know some of you love to shop so if you'd rather buy a gift, we've created registries at Target and Burlington Coat Factory.

Thank you for understanding and we really hope to see you on June 18!!!!

Love,

LaToya and Jay

LaToya = me llamo;)

Not too mean, right? My main motivation was getting my point across without offending. You guys know how big I was on getting things we NEEDED versus cutesy stuff. If I were employed, it would be a different story (then again, maybe not. )

Speaking of, I had an interview today for a job that I REALLY want!!! I pray it's for me.

My friend got the invites from my favorite place, Target:

I love them and I love her for sticking to my "not super girly" rule. Me and her are alike in that same regard. I threw her shower last year and she didn't want any of the primary baby colors for her son- I styled it green and yellow.

I know a lot of my family is shocked that the invites don't say specifically "shower" but I didn't want them to. Although it is a baby shower, I want everything relaxed. I want everyone to eat and laugh and have a good time. (NOTHING TRADITIONAL) I'm only agreeing to the game playing part because my mama thinks that I was going too far.

I'm so excited for the shower. We're gonna have a hot dog spread (because I LOVE grilled hot dogs). My friend's husband is bbq'ing them and we're gonna have every topping you can imagine. We're also going to have the traditional shower food- chicken, queso, etc...... My friend has a "team" of my 4 closest friends helping her out and my granny and mama are doing the cooking.

It's on June 18 and you guys know we'll have plenty of pics!

Pure Ratchetness

2011-05-31T12:25:00.000-04:00

**** Before I begin with the MESS, I want to thank all of you, reading and commenting on my blog. I write because I love it- the sharing of stories, meeting fabulous people, support and validation, advice. I love it all. And you guys have seen (read?) me through a lot, thank you for sticking around! ****

Meet my cute little niece:

My sister had her baby girl yesterday. Iyanna weighed 5 lbs and 9 oz and she is 17 inches long. She's tiny but she wasn't due until June 25. I believe my sister sent herself into labor with drama and chasing after her baby's father- she was supposed to be on bed rest. Him and I ended up getting into an argument in the hospital. I conducted myself in and extremely RATCHET manner, which I find embarrassing. I'm 30 and pregnant and yelling in a hospital is so RATCHET (I can't think of a better word!) But he took me there, and I followed it

But I will share with you guys the story, it's a bit entertaining.

Me and him and my Mama were in the room with my sister and she was already 8 cm. dilated. He was arguing with her about the baby's last name. (he wants the baby to have his last name). They were talking really low but I could tell they were arguing. I heard him say, "you better not be doing this because they want you to do it," and I knew he was talking about my family. So I didn't say anything at that time, even though I wanted to. He kept persisting with her and I saw her close her eyes and she turned to me.

I said, Lisa, you're not gonna argue right now.

He jumped up and said "You are MEDDLING!" So he starts going off and I started going off. He was like, "you ain't nobody," and I was like, "this is my sister." And he was screaming, "this is my child.." and blah blah blah. So Lisa's friend K, walks in and heard it going on and she came straight to me and grabbed my arm. So me and him are just yelling back and forth. K said, "Sunny, you are pregnant, don't do this, think about your baby, you are gonna go into labor...." and she takes my arm and pulls me in the hall.

Well, this fool is right behind us, yelling talking about, "me and my people are 'bout it." This is why I brought my mama in here, I knew this was gonna go down and how he was gonna get his mama on me- all of this foolishness.

Well, I'm also yelling, "I don't care about your mama. You are ghetto trash, I am a grown woman, blah blah blah."

So we end up in the waiting room where J, my granny and his mama were. J said when he was in there, he was thinking, "lord whose ghetto family is that?" and then he saw me. My granny said she knew it was me.

So when we come around the corner, he takes off running and I heard him say, "Mama do you hear these b****es?"

RECORD SCRATCH..

So I started going off and J took me to the elevator. He was asking me what was going on.... so I was telling him and he was getting pissed so he said, Sunny, take my hat, I need to go talk to this dude." I was like no J because he was OBVIOUSLY pissed... he was shaking. He was gonna put his hands on him... so I'm tugging J back, trying to hold his arm.

My mama came out of the maternity area and got his mama because Lisa was upset and wanted her back there (for what reason, I don't know. Later on, my granny said she was over there running her mouth about how she was gonna fight me and deal with me.... blah blah blah. His mama is about 7'2, 400 lbs with a mustache.)

So, I was talking to K and J... and my granny comes up with the baby's father. I heard him tell her, "Ms. Mable, I mean no disrespect but I know yaw don't like me. There is nothing I can do about that... blah blah blah..."

So I told him, "Baby Daddy, I never said anything to you. I was talking to my sister. I told her that she was not going to argue right now and you took that chance to get buck. " He was trying to defend himself and say he felt disrespected because I was telling him what he NEEDED to do and he is raised different from us, he was raised from the hood, all he knows is to fight when he's disrespected."

SO I told him that I didn't tell him he NEEDED anything because I never addressed him. I was talking to my sister and he felt the need to fly off the handle. I told him that I am a grown woman and No, I do not like this situation but I am forced to respect him because he is the father of my sister's child. I am a mother and a wife and not a B**ch so for him to call me that was completely uncalled for... and I said some other stuff. I told him he needed to listen to what I was saying instead of jumping from 0 to 10. My sister was 8 cm dilated, in pain, I saw her turn her head and the conversation needed to be done but I saw him persisting. I told him I am always gonna defend her because she is my little sister... and on and on...

Many Faces of Zoe at 28 weeks

2011-05-27T12:28:00.000-04:00

**3-D ultrasound pics look so weird. I do think she has J's nose though. **

I had my appointment today- we're now at 28 weeks. She's weighing in at 2 lb. 10 oz. She's in the 53rd percentile; 50th is perfect, so she's doing great.

The doctor couldn't see the mass. He reminded me that in his experience, it disappears. He said she'd have a CT Scan when she is born and another at 6 months to confirm it.

Whatever it is, I'm happy that God is keeping my baby! ;)

S/N: My little sister is out of the hospital and on bed rest. She was given some meds to stop the contractions and says that every time it gets close to the time she needs to take a pill, they start again. She has about 7 days left on those pills and I'm feeling pretty confident that little Iyanna will be here before we know it. I can't wait. I love little babies!

Make A Bed For Me in the ER

2011-05-26T11:35:00.000-04:00

****WARNING- A TMI POST****

My husband and I made dinner on Tuesday night- I made hamburgers and he made garlic fries. I ate about half of my burger and decided it was too heavy to eat and began to nibble on the fruit "salad" I made- fresh pineapples, grapes and strawberries.

Later on that night, my body started hurting all over. My husband massaged my back but I retired to bed and he stayed up to watch the Playoffs (is that what it's called right now? I am NOT a sports gal.) While laying in the bed, I started to get this stabbing pain in my stomach and no matter how I laid (unless it was fetal position), I could feel it. Zoe was kicking so I wasn't worried about her too much... my back was hurting, I was getting chills and I thought, "Is this what the 3rd trimester feels like?" I tried to read a book to take my mind off of it but I just ended up staring at the words... my husband came to bed a little while later and I couldn't get comfortable- I tossed and turned.

Within 10 minutes, I was in the living room, on the couch- my fail safe. I laid there and started feeling nauseous. I drank some milk- no help... so I laid there. I really didn't want to throw up!!! I thought about that ketchup I'd eaten on my hamburger and you know how bad that feels coming back- ACID... But it got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore so I made myself throw up. I felt a little better but still not great....

Then, around early morning- you guessed it- THE OTHER END. I knew at that point, I had food poisoning. I got no sleep all night long. I felt awful. The next morning, I told my husband that I thought I had food poisoning and he told me it was probably from how I prepared those hamburgers (WTF?)... he said he saw me smashing down the raw hamburger in the pan to flatten them and then removing them with the same spatula (ummmm, but he didn't tell me when I was doing it- God love him!)

Sooo, yesterday, I was not only starving but I couldn't eat for fear it would make a second appearance. I thought about Zoe and her needing nourishment so I ate some chicken broth and some crackers. I'd googled and saw no real reason for worry... I wasn't going to call my doctor, but my mama scared me into it. And guess where he made me go?????

The freakin' ER!!!! I promise I have not been to the hospital this much in my life.

The wait wasn't bad, and since I was pregnant, they let me go straight to the triage- the maternity area. I was the only patient back there so it was pretty quiet and I got a lot of special attention. I'm not an attention freak BUT I hate not knowing what's going on so the fact that they kept coming back and checking on me and letting me know what was going on was enough to make me happy. The baby was doing great (which was my main concern) and I was dehydrated so I got an IV.

After about two hours, I got to go home and start the process of waiting this thing out...... I have not had to vomit anymore but I'm still dealing with the other. And I'm STILL starving!

Nightmares of a Dating Past

2011-05-18T12:48:00.000-04:00

I had a nightmare last night, ya'll. I had a nightmare that I was still.... DATING. I woke up swiftly, stomach hurting and everything... I had to thank God immediately.

This is in no way meant to discourage you who are, in fact, dating... not at all. I just was horrible at it. So let my foolishness be your lesson! Let me tell you about my dream.

In it, J was laying on the bed and I was on the floor watching a movie with Idris Elba (*gasp* HOTNESS) in it and I'd fallen asleep. When I woke up, he was gone. I called him and and asked him where he was and when he was coming back and he gave me no definite answer. He told me he was "around." I immediately got that old feeling back- the stomach in knots, I think-I'm-Gonna-Hurl feeling.

Then I woke up.. QUICK.

Yaw, this was my dating history. I was not a strong woman. I allowed men to hurt my heart and keep coming back because I was too busy trying to play "the-cool-chick-that-doesn't-need- a-man..." You know, the girl who tells a guy that she doesn't want a relationship, when deep down she REALLY does? I was so busy trying to play like I was strong, that I was really weak. I was damaging myself and they never even knew about it.

They were allowed all of the benefits of a relationship without actually being in one. I allowed them to set up residence in my heart without reciprocity.

And I have to use the word "allow" because I realize my part in the mess. A man will only do what you allow him to.

I have to say GOD blocked some mess from me. My Sunday School teacher testified about this last Sunday and I felt him. I was taking major chances on my life for the sake of "love". I could have caught AIDS or any STD for that matter.. I also could have had a baby by someone awful.

I remember the last guy I was dating before my husband. It was a long distance situation- he lived in Baltimore, we met in Miami. We were flying back and forth to see each other OFTEN. There was something not quite right about this guy and I don't know exactly what it was- I couldn't put my finger on it. But as attracted to him and intrigued by him I was, something made me uneasy.

He was dating me during my "wising up" phase. I was getting smarter but I still had some things to learn. He wanted me to have a baby. I REFUSED to purposely make a baby out of wedlock, especially with a man who didn't want to officially be my man. I told him this and stood by it. But the more he tried to convince me, the more my confidence waned. I ended up giving in and was going to tell him- ok, let's work on this baby. The day he called me, we had a BLOW OUT. I don't remember about what because we never argued like that.... but the argument was huge and ended us completely. (for the moment). THAT WAS GOD. I believe now that I would've been making the mistake of my life.

Trust, he called and tried to reenter my life a few times but every time, I got stronger and stronger. The last time I was confronted with him was after me and J were together. He called me one night sounding ultra weird, semi-confessing his love for me. He was making some kind of reference about how he left the house without his keys and once he got outside, he looked everywhere for them. He realized his keys were in his back pocket the entire time. He was talking about me, I WAS THE KEYS.

*Blank Stare*

I have dating failure stories for days ya'll. I can laugh at them now. I'll even share them for my single girlfriends to let them know not to do what I did and to encourage them to keep going. I will even share them to Zoe. My mama did the best she could but I was absolutely unprepared for dating. She told me NOTHING.... but that's alright because I probably wouldn't have listened anyway- I'm stubborn that way.

I learned some things from my experiences....

DEMAND A TITLE OR DEFINITION: There is nothing wrong with stating what you want up front and sticking to it. They will respect you for it. (maybe not now... but definitely LATER. Most of all, you will respect yourself!)
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND STICK TO IT: Don't wane just because it seems like he might leave. So what- let him bounce. When you are occupying your time with someone not for you, you are blocking your blessing from what IS for you.
NO SEX WITHOUT A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP: I had to learn the hard way that I was NOT Samantha. I could not have sex with a man without catching feelings, as much I pretended that was the case. When a man has sex with you in a non-committed relationship, he wins. That's most likely what he wanted any way. I became celibate and therefore stronger. When I met J, I think I'd be out of the "game" for almost two years.
BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND HIM: Do everything I didn't do.
PRAY: Don't feel bad about having sex and feeling convicted and praying on it. Ask God to give you strength to resist.. and when you don't resist, KEEP ASKING. He is always listening. I had many tearful prayers to him about dating and how I kept failing and to please remove these guys from me and my "need" for them.

Adorable Blog Award

2011-05-16T11:29:00.000-04:00

Many, many thanks to Inez at StyleChic..360 for nominating me for this award. It really means a lot to me that you ladies are out there reading and laughing right along with me and my randomness. I appreciate the support and encouragement that I've gained since doing this.

10 Things About Me:

1. I've been married for 5 months after dating my husband for a little over a year.
2. We're pregnant with our first child.
3. My little sister is also pregnant.
4. I am the oldest of 4.
5. Going to the movie theatre is my favorite thing to do.
6. I love to laugh.... and my laugh is showstopping-ly LOUD.
7. I'm proactive. I am always reading up on how to have a great, happy marriage!
8. I hate shopping!
9. Oh! My husband and I met online!
10. I'm extremely self conscious. You will catch my checking myself in every reflection I pass. ;)

Following the rules of this award, I'd like to nominate:

Avid Accents ----> My fellow Louisvillian.

She Ain't No Diva ----> A truly beautiful soul

Ro Gets Fit ----> A girl after my own heart with her hilarious weight loss account

kay* ----> One of the bravest women I know

kdr*S ----> Two fabulous friends and their adventures

Now, here are the rules for you ladies:

Thank the person who gave you this award, and link back to them in your post.
Tell us 10 things about yourself.
Nominate your bloggers.
Contact these bloggers, and let them know they received this award.

26 weeks Pregnant TODAY

2011-05-13T15:34:00.000-04:00

This is me and Zoe. My, my, my- the belly is huge and people are asking me if I am SURE I know I am not having twins. (*blank stare*)

The doctor's appointment today went well, he said everything looks great. That's all I need to know. I'll be back to see him again in two weeks.

I met the pediatric surgeon yesterday who gave me a run through of how delivery will go.... if there is no reason for induction, she'll be delivered normally (vaginally) and I'll get to see her for a few minutes, then she'll be rushed off to NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) for evaluation. If everything is ok, great, I'll get my baby girl back.

If not, she'll go to surgery and my understanding of the surgery is, an incision will be placed between her ribs and the mass will be drawn out). She'll be in recovery for a bit and will have a tube down her throat to make sure she can breathe. She'll be in the hospital for about a week tops.

Thinking about it yesterday, I got a little teary eyed (but they didn't fall!) thinking about how I wouldn't get to have the normal couplet time that other mother's get... and how I'll be missing the bonding time already. But then I sucked it up, I've got to be strong for my girl. And things could always be worse.

Since I want no one but my husband and I in the delivery room when the delivery actually goes down (I feel some kind of way about my family seeing my coo-ca), I told my mama that they may not even get to see Zoe for a while and she said that was ok.... she'll still be there. I have an awesome Mama!

Side note: My sister is in the hospital. Iyanna (her baby girl) isn't due until June 25th and about a week ago, my sister started having contractions and she'd dilated to 4.7 cm. Welp, since then, she's been in the hospital on strict bed rest and it's my understanding that she won't be out any time soon. I know it sucks being in the hospital, but I'm glad she is- I feel like if she was out, she wouldn't follow directions and stay in the bed.

This is Why You Don't Graduate When Six Months Pregnant!

2011-05-10T13:19:00.000-04:00

The day started out like any other day... My husband left for work at 7 am and I got up to eat breakfast because of Zoe (who makes me feel like I haven't eaten for a week)... and I read a little, and channel and Internet surfed, trying to figure out what they were going to do about my graduation. They'd given us two contingency plans- outside if sunny and we could have unlimited guests at 4 pm or inside if rainy and we could have 4 guests tops at 12 pm. (CONFUSING!)

Since the sun was blazing when I woke up, I assumed it was gonna be outside but there was a chance of showers so after getting that straight, I turned on Pandora and sought out to clean up our home. I had been cleaning and taking breaks to answer emails all day.... So I jumped in the shower and sat around in my robe, emailing my friend. Suddenly, I had the thought- "let me check and see what time I need to be at school."

Um, yeah. 3 pm. Did I mention it was 2:40 pm? And I had on NO MAKEUP? No SHOES? and only an outfit that I was considering? Ya'll, I have never prayed so much in my life. I was rushing around the house like I was on fire! I kept asking GOD, "Please let me make it..." "Please be with me..." and the like. I had been debating all day about what shoes I was gonna wear because you all know my recent dilemmas with heels. But remember, my graduation gown made me look like a bat (it was so big) so I was trying to make my 5'6 frame look slimmer... so I grabbed the most comfortable heels I could find and bolted out the door, now sweating from rushing.

It was 2:55 pm when I left the house and luckily my school is less than 10 minutes away, but I was NOT prepared for construction and traffic. Let's just say, I made an illegal move and turned into an area that was blocked off to thru-traffic so I could enter the school the back way. I ended up having to park far from where all the graduates had to meet and walked the longest I've ever done in my natural pregnant life IN HEELS! There were people driving golf carts all around and I should've hopped on but pride made me want to keep pushing through it.

I got to where I needed to be and stood with the other Social Science graduates until 4 pm... (Did I mention STOOD?) At some point, my shoes came off and I was standing in the grass, melting, in this hot, BLACK cap and gown with the sun blazing at 80 degrees. My mama and little brother found me and there is no telling what the pictures look like because I was sweating. My face probably looked like an oil slick.

We start moving for the processional and the graduates were handed bottled waters. I was very aware of my bladder but also the heat, so I downed that water like it was a strawberry margarita. I prayed that God kept my bladder strong and Zoe calm (so that she didn't kick me down there and make me feel like finding a restroom was a code red situation like she usually does).. .we walked down a hill. (Again, I am PREGNANT, and I have on HEELS). There was a big gap between me and the girl in front of me.

The guy behind me had a class with me semester and was "how you doin?" so he kept my spirits good. He asked what possessed me to wear heels when we were walking down a hill. I told him I was fighting for the sake of fashion and trying to give that big paper sack a little piece of glam.

So, we get to our fold out chairs- which were all too close for comfort- and the guides kept telling us to "squeeze, squeeze," and literally, I was hanging on top of my two neighbors. At this point, my feet felt like I had danced on hot coals and I was trying to be strong- for my husband. He would have FLIPPED if he knew my shoes were off- he thinks it trashy when women take their shoes off in public.

We are STILL STANDING waiting for all of the graduates to get their seats. (We had over 1,000 students, making up the largest class to graduate from IUS and the most diverse)..... my shoes found their way off again. And I was standing on hot concrete.

We all got the cue to sit and within five minutes they had us standing again, which I did. We stood for about five minutes and were told to sit... then we had to stand again. I didn't. And I wouldn't stand again until it was time for me to line up and walk up to the podium. I was entertaining my neighbors around me and had to apologize, I was being whiny. I said, "I'm sorry yaw, I'm pregnant and extra b**chy right now, so excuse me." They laughed- GOOD SIGN. I hadn't annoyed them to tears yet.

I started looking for escape routes so I could bail just in case my bladder failed. There were none. I heard my heart beating in my ears and I became a nervous wreck. Zoe hadn't moved since I got out there- "Am I overheating my baby???" I kept wondering if I was gonna make it through the ceremony and by the time they got to my row, I put my shoes back on and THERE WAS GUM ON MY FOOT. iDie.

My "how you doin" neighbor helped me and I wobbled up to the line, with my feet screaming for relief. Once I got up there, and he called my name out, I felt like a complete clumsy nerd walking across. I shook two sets of hands and went to the first picture station. (Snap and Smile)... I Felt like I was gonna fall over because it was on a slight hill.... then I walked to the next picture station (Stand here, Smile, SNAP). Again, I felt like I was gonna fall. My advisor was beaming at me (a very cool chick) and she whispered, "it's almost over." I guess she saw my face.

Welp, part one was done. Now, LORD PLEASE HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE REST WITHOUT HAVING TO PEE!

And that he did. After it was over, I followed the grads out and met up with my family. My feet were on fiyah!!! And I took my shoes off and walked around campus that way. I didn't care how messy I looked, I was ready to go.

****Fast forward**** I didn't feel like doing anything after graduation- no dinner, NOTHING. I went home and changed my shoes, then my husband and I went to get a milkshake.... When we came home afterwards, I ran a tepid bath (no hot ones while pregnant!) and he rubbed my feet while we watched the playoffs....

S/N: I didn't have any pics. but my mama and brother do. I was in such a rush to get home and sit down that I didn't even see them!!!

Lesson Learned: GIVE UP THE HEELS!

Making the Grade

2011-05-08T00:02:00.010-04:00

School is OFFICIALLY done now that I've gotten my grades - 2 As and 4 Bs ya'll and I couldn't ask for anything else. I'm just so glad to be DONE!

Graduation is Monday and I picked up my robe tried it on- I hate that it makes me look like a giant bat. My husband says it looks like a choir robe. But alas, I'll wear that thing with a coke and a smile because I'm finally here!

I have been completely lacking in of taking pics of my outfits because I swear I'm recycling stuff over and over but here's what I wore on the last day of finals. It was a really gloomy, chilly day. We've been getting so much rain around here- the Ohio River is well above flood stage. Gross!

On the good foot, I LOVE my hair! I colored it dark again. I tend to do the opposite of what fashion says- I go dark in summer and light in winter. I let it grow out a little longer towards the front.

Sweater: Old Navy
Scarf: Old Navy
Shirt: Old Navy
Leggings: Target
Skull and bones shoes: JCPenny- they aren't my style but for $3, I couldn't pass them up!

Confessions- I'm Miranda!

2011-05-06T10:40:00.000-04:00

Go to minute 1:40 for the fight.

I must confess, I am a bit of a Miranda.

Shoot to the other day- my husband and I were watching re-runs of Sex and the City and this episode was on.. When Carrie started yelling to Miranda that everyone wasn't as tough as her and some do make mistakes, I felt like she was talking to me. Carrie had pulled my card ya'll!!! I side eyed my husband and asked him if I acted like that, (knowing FULL well the answer) and he said, "yep, you're not as bad though." Love his honesty.

I have to admit- I cut folks off quick. I judge. It made me think of my sister. Mind you, she did a very. VERY. stupid thing, getting pregnant by a real "winner," but I don't have to voice my disgust at every chance I get like I do. She's still my sister and although I hate the situation, it's not my life. Her baby's father- neeeehhhh, I'll have to keep praying for my attitude towards him, but SHE chose him. I didn't. Yesterday, my sister's labor started early, she went to the doctor for a routine appointment and found out that she was four centimeters dilated and had to be put in the hospital. My cousin sent me a note on Facebook and said she saw my sister and her baby's father at the hospital and how cute they were and they were gonna be great parents and you know how I responded????

They are the blind leading the blind!

Uncalled for right???? I know. My mouth.

I'm even hard on some of my girls. Mind you, there are a few of them, who I love REGARDLESS, who could make 10,000 mistakes a day and receive nothing but my support but some of them????? I can't. I refer to them the same way as my sister- "stupid."

I really need to quit. and I've realized that I have a problem. Now comes the hard part- CHANGING IT!

Baby Update- 24 Weeks Preggars

2011-05-05T07:29:00.000-04:00

I'm now 24 weeks and had my doctor's appointment with the High Risk OB last Friday... I also got to meet the Pediatric Cardiologist.

Zoe was being stubborn and not allowing them to view her lungs so I have to come back in two weeks to get another ultrasound. The doctor also is gonna go ahead and transfer my care to him completely which means I'll have to deliver at another hospital than I previously planned.

During the visit, I learned that no matter what (even if the mass shrinks, etc.), they will schedule Zoe to have surgery between 3 and 6 months to have it removed because it could cause infection.

I'm 215 lbs and 1.7 lbs of it is her. They said her limbs measured to be longer than average, so she's either gonna have long limbs like me or be very tall like my husband's side of the family (that gene skipped over him though.)

The doctor also informed me that they didn't get much from the MRI and he admitted that it was because I'd ended it early.... in my head, I replied, "ooooooh, well." lol. Don't put a preggars woman in a freakin' think tank. Thanks!

As for me, things have been pretty steady for me during the pregnancy. My boobs are sore about 90% of the time and I have to organize my events around how close a bathroom will be to me. My mama told me that usually your bathroom trips go down in the second trimester, but I didn't get that luck. I have to go just about every 45 min to an hour and at night, I wake up about every 1 to 2 hours. (that's probably why I'm always so tired). My tail bone hurts sometimes and it's not as easy to get up... and she feels like she's sitting really low because I feel heaviness.

I don't really have any cravings until I see something on television, I'm just hungry CONSTANTLY. Yesterday, I chowed down FIVE tangerines. Zoe does her best acrobatics while and after I've just eaten.

Finito

2011-05-02T08:59:00.000-04:00

Well folks, this is the end.... almost. One test and one 10 page paper (today and tomorrow) stand between me and graduating. You've all read me complain and freak out the whole journey. When looking back, it actually came pretty quickly. I know I didn't make it own my own- it was all by the grace of God. He has looked out for me so much and I'm thankful. ;)
I will graduate next Monday (who does that????) and will officially have my Bachelors of Science in Criminal Justice... now, here comes the looking for a job part. I have no clue what I want to do, but I do know I want to use my degree.

PLUS, I'm carrying little Zoe-bug and with all of these doctor's appointments I have to go to, I'm wondering how prospectives will take me at this time.... but alas, I won't worry. As I've said, time and time again, I know where my help comes from!!!!

S/N: NO clue about what I'm gonna wear for graduation. It'll probably be flats or something close to it, even though when I was picking out my graduation robe, I made the length for if I had on 3 inch heels. I obviously wasn't thinking!!! I wore heels to church yesterday and felt like my feet were gonna bleed out. I've seriously never been in so much pain. One of the older lady's in Sunday School said, "I bet you learned your lesson and won't wear them again," and I replied, "I probably will, I will just complain about it again." lol.

Panic Room

2011-04-26T08:28:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was an emotional day all day for me. I felt as if I was on the verge of tears constantly (HORMONES).

So when I walked into the appointment with the Cardiologist/Fetal MRI for what I thought was a chance to meet the doctors who may have to operate on my baby girl, I was completely unprepared for what really was going to happen. Mind you, I was at a children's hospital so I just knew I would have to get NOTHING done.

When I checked in and was told I'd be having an MRI, I was shocked and thrown off. I filled out paperwork, including asking me about the metal on my body and if I was claustrophobic and I checked no on just about everything. The technologist led me into a room and told me to remove my bra and earrings and wedding band and I guess I still hadn't putting two and two together.

I hadn't had a reason to panic yet because I KNEW I could do this. I'd had an MRI before, years ago, when I'd injured my knee, but I didn't remember it being that bad. It was a front loading machine and I remembered in it up to my neck. My head was free.

This was not like that time. When I got in the room, I still hadn't freaked out yet. They were adjusting me on the table, getting me as comfortable as a pregnant woman can get lying on her back and asking me what kind of music I liked... She gave me some headphones and I was sucked into this machine from hell.

Remember guys, I am in a children's hospital, so everything is miniature. Now, why they'd want to put a 212 pound pregnant woman in a device made for a kid totally flew over my head. I am in the machine, I hear a deafening, "clang clang clang," which was then interrupted by the loudest music I've ever listened to in my life, Motown's Top 40.

This is what I felt like I was in, except tighter!

So I'm lying there, the top of the hell hole less than an inch from my face. I strained my neck upwards and saw that the top end was about two inches from where I'd stopped and I feel a burst of cool air on my face. The tech interrupted the music and asked if I was ok, and I replied, "yes." I was still psyched up that I could go through with it, I am a pretty brave woman (so I thought).

The table started moving and I hear "clang clang clang" again and I was sucked further inside the hole- panic started. I started exhaling loudly and moving around because I'm freaking out at this point. She asked me if I was ok again and I said yes... after all, this is for my baby girl. I have to be strong for her because they are trying to help her and I need to help them help her.

I started trying to concentrate on, "Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch...."

It feels like I've been in the machine for hours. But, I continue to lie there, Zoe fluttering in my stomach, back starting to cramp, feeling as if I'm gonna upchuck, and praying the the chili dog I had for lunch didn't decide to make a second appearance. I tried to block it all out and put myself in Miami on the beach with the sun baking me and the cool ocean breeze hitting my face. That only worked for about two minutes... so I try to get into the deafening music but I couldn't. I'd had enough. I was trying to be strong and I failed.
Guys, I don't know how long I was in there, but I couldn't take it anymore. I guess I was moving around a lot because she asked me again if I was ok and I replied, "not really and how much longer." She said she could be done in about a minute in a half and talked me through what she was doing and asking if I could last until then or did I need her to stop now.

(Now as sweet as this lady was, I wish she would've done that from the gate- telling me what each step was and how long I'd be in there. That way, I wouldn't feel like I was lost in time and in there forEVER, like I did. But it was too late now..... I needed release.)

I told her I could make it through and suddenly the music stopped and I was sucked out (that minute went by lightening fast) and I felt like I'd died and gone to heaven. I had never been so happy to see an open room in my life.

Because I consider myself a Samantha (SATC- never show weakness, don't cry in public) type of woman, I kept my composure on the outside and thanked her as she got my shoes and led me to the room to pick up my things.. I hurried out of that hospital (still bra-less and you know how big preggie boobies are, right?) like a bat out of hell, checked out of the parking garage and as soon as my car hit the street, I cried like nobodies business.

Ugly face, howling cry, yaw. I was sooooo freaked out. I guess I discovered that I'm a bit claustrophobic. I had to put on my sunglasses (and it was a cloudy day) because I didn't want other cars seeing me freak out like that.

I really REALLY hope they got all they needed because I tried by best to make it through.....

Hopes and Dreams for Zoe

2011-04-22T13:32:00.000-04:00

Today, I finally listened to this new song by Beyonce and I love it. I've been reading a lot about how the fans are hating it though. I appreciate the girl power-ness of it as Beyonce always delivers.

I want to raise Zoe in this fashion. I have never subscribed to the princess or knight in shining armor tales- I wasn't raised that way. A silver spoon has never touched these ~~big ole'~~ lips.

I'm the oldest of four. I helped my mama with them a lot (my daddy was always at work) and I tease her all the time that I didn't have a childhood.

As a result, I am the most independent and maybe my birth order is why I think that way. My mother and I butt heads a lot (but we're really close- she just says I have a bit of a "mouth") because I feel like she wants me to be like my younger siblings. She can be overbearing and while the others NEED her to be, I do not. I prefer to make my mistakes and fix them on my own. She gets frustrated with me and we go back and forth (kinda like sisters would) because my mama is so opinionated and I don't always agree with it, and I state that. But alas, she's my mother and I love her. ;)

But back to the point of the post, I want Zoe to have that strength... to be able to form her own opinions and be a very intelligent, capable girl who tackles her dreams. I want to raise her to be a woman who can take care of business, one who knows her parents are there for her but one who can take care of things on her own. I believe that's will prepare her for life.

Shelter in the Storm

2011-04-21T09:17:00.000-04:00

Tuesday night, my husband and I were in bed about to go to sleep and we started hearing sirens... I thought it was a fire truck at first but it persisted so I told him to check outside. The sky was clear but the siren was still going off.   We got up and came in the living room to turn on the news and found out that we were under a tornado WARNING for the next 30 minutes.

Again, I was perplexed because the sky was crystal clear out- no rain, no wind. NOTHING.... Well that was the calm before the storm. Within 40 minutes that storm came ripping through. Our electricity went out. I was a nervous wreck (storms always have me that way. I remember crying in Kindergarten during the tornado drill- Funny what sticks to you!) We live on the second floor of the apartment complex (DANGER ZONE!) and I prayed that God keep us safe.

When we got up Wednesday morning, there was still no electricity. He got ready for work and I got ready for school by candlelight. On my way to school, I'd perused the neighborhood (there are houses right behind us) and saw the damage. One street was entirely blocked off. Some neighborhoods had fences completely caved in and some were in the street. Some trees were completely struck down in front yards.

I went to shool, charged my phone and checked Facebook. I learned from a friend who lives not too far from me that the tornado touched down right behind our apartment. It completely blew the back off of a church.

I tried to remain unselfish but all day in school, I was anxious, praying my electricity was back on when I got home.

I called my husband on my way home (he beat me there) and asked him if we had good news or bad news. He said bad, still no electricity (mind you, it was 5:00 pm at this point)... I freaked out, worrying about our food, our BEING, everything- even how we were going to clean up (we have a home visit from the police department today- my husband is in the process of becoming a police officer) and I had convinced him to wait until Wednesday to clean up. We did what we could by daylight (which was just about everything but vacuuming) and prayed that it would be on by the next day.

We walked the neighborhood to see if we could find out what was throwing the monkey wrench in our electricity coming back on. We walked down the blocked street and that's where that picture above was taken. We saw at least three trees that way- completely uprooted.

Nearing the end of the block, we saw the Duke Energy trucks and men busy at work. One pole was completely snapped in half. And power lines were down in the street. I thought the worse- it's gonna be a while.

My best couple friends (aka my sister and brother from another mother) invited us over for dinner (they live around the corner) and said we could stay if we wanted to. We were still hopeful and came home a little after 11 pm.

When we turned the corner and I saw lights, I had to yell, THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!! The first thing I did- take a warm shower! (I had attempted to take a very cold shower after our walk but J was nervous that Zoe would go into shock)

Lesson for the day:  Electricity is sooo essential for me. I don't know what I would've done in the olden days.

Gratitude for the Day: Thanking God not only that he kept us and our home safe but even that he kept those in our neighborhood safe. Material things can be replaced, lives can't.   I am also thankful that electricity was made! ;)

What I Should Be Doing....

2011-04-16T23:25:00.000-04:00

I SHOULD be doing one of these:

Writing the rest of my 15 page paper
Reading 10 articles and writing one page reaction briefs
Writing two formal criminal profiles
Working on my presentation for my 15 page paper
Writing my 10 page paper

YEP, and what am I doing???? Looking at blogs. Geez, I hate school. Seriously, I know it'll be worth it and I've only got three more weeks left but JESUS BE A FENCE. I need Him like no other to push me on towards the end. I will probably shout my way across that graduation stage.

Now on to random things:

On Thursday, I saw Insidious!!!! I thought it was awesome. I kept rubbing my belly to comfort Zoe/Cori (And we're probably gonna end up sticking with Zoe because it's so hard to start calling her something else) because it was pretty loud in that theatre... plus I felt some kinda way about my baby hearing all of that scary stuff. It had me on the edge of my seat.

I had three bathroom breaks while the movie was on. UGH- BABY BLADDER!

Today was one of my married girls' birthday dinners (but we promised to not mention the word birthday because she hates birthdays) and we hung out for the whole day and saw The Lincoln Lawyer. DOUBLE AWESOME!!! I thought it gave a very good depiction of the life of a criminal attorney. So you guys MUST see it.

I think I've finished registering online for our baby girl at Target- it was much less stressful this way. And Friday night, my husband and I registered at Burlington Coat Factory and I didn't freak out!!! My issue is, we are having the hardest time finding a baby bedding set. I refuse to give up though. We still need to do Babies R' Us.

I appreciate you guys' suggestions and support for my baby shower dilemma!!! I have decided to put a little something in my invitations to say in a polite way to stick with the registry or give a gift certificate.

Side note: Check out Desiree's Blog. She just had her baby girl!!! She's gorgeous.

Pregnancy Updates: I'm maintaining.. I have no real complaints. I feel like what I am going through (the lower back pain, tail bone pain, extreme exhaust) is nothing that I really can complain about. I feel like it COULD be worse.

I am still feeling the fluttering.. she seems to be active in the daytime and calm at night (Lord please let this carry on after birth!!!)

I want baby girl born yesterday. I have no patience, so that's the one thing pregnancy is making me have! I want to see what she looks like and play with her!!!

Sunny Days

2011-04-13T08:51:00.000-04:00

My husband and I were watching some good ole trash TV- Bad Girls Club on Monday night (GASP- don't judge me!). lol.

One of the girls names is Kori and I thought it was adorable... I've always liked "guys" names for little girls. So I asked my husband what he thought and he gave an affirmative answer.

Sooooooo, it's between Kori or (Cori) and Zoe now. We'll wait until she's born to make the final decision. For now, I told J we'd call her baby Sunny.

My sister's baby shower was this weekend and she got A LOT OF STUFF. A ton, guys.... but honestly, most of the stuff is crap. I don't want to sound harsh or ungrateful (on her behalf) but yaw, people got her things that weren't necessities.

My sister wasted all of that time registering at stores and only one person got something off the registry. There were a lot of clothes (and some weren't even cute) and I am irritated for my sister. She's not in the greatest of situations- this is her baby's father's 5th child (ummm yeah, he's in his very early 20s) and he doesn't work. So she's basically on her own (well, her and my parents).

His family came and even brought CLOTHES... ummm excuse me, yaw need to bring a little bit more than that- this jerk has FIVE KIDS. This is not new, you guys know what a baby needs.I didn't even speak to his family- Sunny can be quite mean, guys.... But I am heated about the situation.. it's a big ole mess and although I love my future niece, I am PISSED about how she got here and how his family allowed this to happen. (My sister moved in with them and they ALLOWED it which means they were having all kinds of sex. At my house, my mama never allowed the opposite sex in our rooms. Not to say kids still can't sneak and have sex but seriously his mother just gave them the materials they needed...)

But anywho, my sister registered and yet, she got a TON of stuff (some of which she won't use) and ONE THING SHE NEEDED. That really frustrates me... like why spend time on a gift that I didn't ask for. Give me what I told you I need, not what YOU think I need!

So, this got me thinking about my own shower. Guys, I googled because I google everything, and I really prefer for people to bring me Target gift cards. I don't want to sound ungrateful (I know- I keep saying that) but if you can't give me what I ask for, just give me a gift card. Otherwise you are wasting your money, because I will throw it away.

My google results said asking for gift cards in your shower invites is tacky. ARRRRGH, what am I to do?

Follow Up

2011-04-10T18:22:00.000-04:00

I'm thinking, with all of these doctor's appointments, she's gonna have a full portfolio once she's born.

I had a doctor's appointment Friday morning for a follow up ultrasound. I was laying down for what seemed like 40 minutes or so.. Does anyone else think that table is uncomfortable or is it just me? It's like my butt lifts my back up off the table and there needs to be a pillow in between there.

Or perhaps my butt has grown (I wouldn't be mad at that at all- don't laugh, ya'll!!!)

Anywho, another doctor did the visit this time. I assume they are trying to get me introduced to everyone in the practice because he said there was a whole slew of folks that I need to meet. He said Zoe's heart was beating beautifully and we'll just keep monitoring it. Again,we're trying to see if the mass interferes with her heart beating which in turn would mean we need to induce labor. So keep praying guys!!!

The two ultrasound techs told me it was a joy photographing little Zoe. They said she was in there posing all ready. At one point, she was pushing down on my stomach and Zoe kicked her. I didn't feel it though, I'm still in the flutter stages.

Saturday was my little sister's baby shower for little Iyanna (she's due in June). She got so much stuff!!!! It was a success which was such a blessing. My mama stepped in and put it together in less than two weeks because my sister's friend who said she would throw it flaked on her. Aren't mamas great that way???

I got a kick out of seeing my fam because I haven't seen a lot of them is so long!!! I wish we got together often but I don't know why we don't. They really showed up though so it just reaffirmed, the one thing you can always count on is fam (and MY FRIENDS because I have some pretty awesome ones) ;)

Eye-Yi-Yi

2011-04-06T09:33:00.000-04:00

Shopping is supposed to be fun, right? WRONG. You guys know I loathe shopping- I've declared it more times than I can count. It stresses me out. Shopping for someone else freaks me out even more.

Even when that someone else is my own baby girl. Me and J had some time to waste Monday night so we started registering at Target. Was there any question that this was NOT gonna be one of the places I'd register? Come on guys, YOU KNOW I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!! ;)

Anywho, we started looking at strollers and I seemed to be the only party participating. I don't know what it is with my husband, if it's that he really wanted a boy or what, but it seems like he's taken a back seat... and his response has become, "whatever you want to do, Sunny." That may be music to some women's ears, but to this woman- who hates shopping and is indecisive, all it does is make me want to scream!!!!
And I want to shake him... and tell him to MAN UP, it's a girl, walk it off. But then again, I don't know if that's even why he's doing this- all I know is it frustrates me and I don't even care enough to ask him about it right now because I AM IRRITATED.

So, we continue on and when we got to clothes, I had a melt down. I mean, no one around would have noticed, but I knew... and J knew. There were too many choices, sizes and colors.. and I wanted to scream. I had left my phone in the car, so I was unable to call my mama (who knows EVERYTHING- or at least she (we) think she does) and ask her what sizes to get. And then I thought, "O M G, we've been scanning everything and not even looking at color coordination!!!"

I tapped out.... Mentally. Tapped. Out. I was overwhelmed, hot and felt the need to cry (in public???? Oh heck no!) I told him I had to go to the bathroom (which I did, I have to go to the bathroom ALL OF THE TIME), and when I came back, he'd taken over steering the ship. He was scanning everything.

We had to skip some items.... I have no clue what kind of breast pump I need (Suggestions, anyone?) among other things... so last night, I googled (my specialty) and found this site that would help us: Registry Guide. Also, to make sure we are matching things up, I think we may have to register online- the Target we went to looked like they'd been cleaned out. Shopping online sends me into less of a panic, anyway.

Pink Panties and Hearts*

2011-04-03T19:48:00.000-04:00

Friday, I had my two married girlfriends over for our Dish n' B**ch session and I made them drinks. Hey, just because I can't indulge, doesn't mean the party has to stop right????

Well, anywho, I made them a drink called Pink Panties and Hearts and they raved about it so much, I had to share it with you guys. It was found here,

Ingredients

A tub of cool whip
A bottle of your favorite vodka (I used Absolut')
Can of frozen pink lemonade
Ice
A blender
Cups

What to do

Fill a blender 3/4 with ice.
Pour in a can of frozen pink lemonade.
Add as much vodka as you'd like.
Add about 4 Tbsp. cool whip.
Put the blender on blend until it's a really light shade of pink and all the ice is crushed. Pour.

As soon as Zoe is born, I will be having one of these. ;)

If you try it, let me know what you think. Enjoy!

Quick, Quick, Quick

2011-04-01T10:20:00.000-04:00

I'm 20 weeks today and as I sat here devouring Cap'n Crunch cereal and watching Beverly Hills Fabulous, I felt this weird feeling in my stomach- somewhere between a butterfly kisses to my stomach feeling like it was going up and down on the inside (weird explanation, I know)... and I knew I read about this thing- quickening. It's the little baby movements you start to feel right before she starts kicking.

I can't wait to feel the kicks, I think it's so neat. My little sister is also pregnant (did I mention that to you guys before?) I have a little sister, who's not in the best of situations (sucky baby's father) and she's in her early 20s and pregnant with a little girl also. She's due in June, around my husband's birthday, so she has experienced everything before me. Although we are raised in the same family, we just aren't that close.

I don't know if it's the age difference or what- but I call my mama up (because we talk all of the time) and she gives me updates on her all the time. Annnnnywho, her daughter kicks her constantly and my sister will grab my hand and put it to her belly and her daughter STOPS.... lol. My sister insists that she doesn't like me- but she better get over it!

Soooooo, my parents will have their two "first" grandchildren around the same time.

Anywho, I think I've been feeling pretty normal. I hate that I have to ask for help all of the time though, and my husband does baby me. lol. I am so used to being independent and doing everything on my own so it's frustrating sometimes when my body doesn't cooperate with my mind.

I was cleaning up our home the other day because I'm having my girls come over to night for drinks (me- fruit punch), Loaded Nachos, and dishing, and after cleaning up the living room and kitchen, I had to sit down. I was so tired!!!

I was on the floor doing something or other and I suddenly realized, I just can't just hop up anymore. I had to roll over on my knees, then push myself up on one foot and the other foot! Geez! And when I'm sitting on the couch, I have to scoot to the end and get up that way.

Whew Lawd, I don't mean to sound like complete complaining brat but I just want to rush to the end, when we get to see little Zoe and start our life with her...

And did I mention my husband wants us to get right back pregnant? I mean, I will do it- but whew..... Before we knew Zoe was a Zoe, and we thought it was a boy, we discussed having only one kiddo... but since my husband wants his boy, I told him he'd get ONE MORE TRY. Lawd, please let that one be a boy! lol. But regardless, I told him we are only doing this ONE MORE TIME.

Here's the latest picture of me, at 19 weeks. Still comfortable clothing!

Our weather has been so unpredictable-it was warm for the week right before the official start of Spring and then when Spring came, it started to snow and rain and just get freezing... so I'm all confused with the wardrobe. Plus with my internal heater, sometimes I am way hotter than what the outside says I should be dressing like.

Not Quite Tippin' the Scales

2011-03-27T12:33:00.000-04:00

Every pregnancy is different. I am learning this every day.

I had a doctor's appointment on Friday and I learned that I have only gained 6 pounds throughout the whole pregnancy. I thought about the pregnancy book sent to me by one of my favorite bloggers, whose become really close to me during this whole thing, Interior Intensive, and how it said I should have gained at least 13 pounds at this point (I'm 5 months pregnant).

I became a bit worried and after the nurse weighed me and sat me in the room, I sat on that examination table, with thoughts running though my head and questions....

My doctor came in and we said our pleasantries (I love her- did I tell yaw that already?) and I asked her- am I gaining enough???? She calmed my concerns immediately and reminded me that I am perfectly where she wants me to be at this time in my pregnancy. She explained that back in the old days, our grandmas and such believed in eating for 2 (which I simply don't do) and that's not the case... she went on to explain that I was already a pretty "healthy sized" woman so I don't have to worry about gaining as much (but she did tell me not to try to lose anything right now).... so it's all good.

Zoe's heartbeat is strong and she advised me that she's spoken to the other doctor (who I'll be seeing for another ultrasound on April 8) and we'd follow his lead... she was very positive and encouraging- just GREAT overall. She's informative but yet, it feels like a regular woman having a conversation with me- she always asks about my husband because he can't always make appointments due to work.

Me and J went shopping the other night and I dragged him to the girls section were we eyed things that our baby girl would and would NOT (ummm pink. lol) be wearing. I still can't believe I'm here. ;)

I feel like this post is rushed... but it's not... I'm just sleepy.... we got home from church (we got to 8 am service and Sunday School) about an hour ago and I ate and now I have -itis. lol

Side note: Spring Break is over and I have to return to school tomorrow. UGH.... I have to keep praying, it's almost at the end.

XX

2011-03-21T09:30:00.001-04:00

The DREAM nursery!!! I found this pic online.

That's right guys, we're having a baby girl- Zoe Camille!!!! This is gonna be fun- and a bit of a challenge. I hate "pink" and princesses, and therefore Zoe's wardrobe is going to be somewhat of a treasure hunt.

My husband was at work and unable to go to the doctor's appointment so I shared the news with him by bringing a bouquet of balloons to his job- one was a Mylar balloon that said, "it's a girl!" The shock on his face was classic. J really thought we were having a boy, but he had severe wishful thinking. He'd convinced himself that it was an 80/20 chance instead of 50/50, I think.

Remember from this post I'd said I was going to get a special ultrasound to see if the baby would have what I was born with??? Well, the doctor said he didn't see anything but gave me some other news.

There is a bit of a complication. Zoe has a mass in one of her lungs, and he thinks it's CCAM Type III. Basically, when her lungs were forming, something didn't form correctly and she has a mass in one of them. He told me three things could happen:

It could disappear.
It could shrink.
It could stay at that size or grow and interfere with the functioning of her heart.

In case 3, I'd have to have my labor induced and she'd come early and she'd go to surgery. As I laid there and he was telling me this, the first thing I felt was not fear nor panic. I just knew I had to continue praying because I know where my help comes from!!!

He also said it's nothing that we did wrong or could have done to prevent it, it just happens during the development stage.

He also teased me because he just knew I was going to google... he told me not to be alarmed by the info I found online because although it may say that Type III is the worst type to have, in his experience, it's the best one. He also gave me his cell phone number and told me to be sure to call if I had any questions...

I have to get ultrasounds every two weeks so they can monitor its development and I also have to deliver at another hospital than I'd previously planned..... this one has a special neonatal team. He said he and my current doctor would be a team and would talk about my course of treatment; I have to go to her Friday.

Me and my husband decided we are going to stay positive about this and not let this shadow are good news- the anticipation of our first child. Because after all, it's a happy occasion...

I didn't even share this news with EVERYBODY because I know some people, who may not mean any harm, may instantly go to the negative thinking and I don't want that.

God is in control here and I have no room in my life for any of the blues!

Thesis, Crapsis

2011-03-17T09:05:00.000-04:00

My big paper is coming up- the one that you have to write before you graduate. I have to write about an issue in the criminal justice system that I would change. I picked recidivism because it seemed easy enough.

Spring break is next week and my professor wanted us to turn in 10 pages of that paper by Wednesday so he could review it and give us his opinion, and also so that he'd know we weren't putting it off until the week before the semester is over.

I researched for it last Friday.... and had all intent to work on it from Friday to Tuesday.... let's just say those days went by- NOTHING.

I opted to spend some quality time with my husband and after church, we saw Battle L.A. on Sunday (had me spooked on the edge of my seat.. I'm SURE my heart rate was up),

Monday came- had to go to school, was exhausted so I laid down and took a nap when I got home, woke up at 11 pm and sat, STARING at the computer until 2:30 AM, and had five random sentences on the paper!!!!

Yeah, ummmm paper is due in TWO DAYS.... "Get it together," I tell myself. So, I ended up writing 6 pages of it on Tuesday night and 2 more on Wednesday morning before school. I just couldn't do 10, I was over it!

CONFESSION: I have a problem.

My name is Sunny and I procrastinate.

And because I haven't posted what I'm wearing in a minute- here ya go...

I ordered a bunch of leggings from Forever 21 when I first got pregnant (because I was feeling so bloated) and got a wild hair and ordered these purple things.... (they go under the feet like I wore in 5th grade!!!) I had such a hard time trying to figure out what I'd wear with them so I threw on a dress and sweater (Target), along with simplychic's fave scarf of mine *wink* (Charlotte Russe) and my moccasins and ran out of the door!

Love Runs In....

2011-03-09T20:01:00.002-05:00

This pic was around May 2009. My vow: I will be back to this size or smaller!!!!

I know the saying is, "Love walks in..." but for me, it RAN in. Me and my husband became an official couple in April 2009 after dating for maybe two months ([???] I am such a "man" when it comes to remembering dates.)

It feels like we've been together for so much longer. Here we are married, with a baby on the way, and we'll have only been together two years this April 6.

Before meeting J, I remember me and my girls talking about how we felt like love was taking forever and how sick of being single we were. I'd began to even feel ok about being single and just enjoying everyone around me.

But love came, and it came lightening fast, guys. And it's such a great feeling; I think back to my past relationships (jerks, all of them, don't let them tell you different. J/K) and think about what I went through and I'm thankful. Those lessons taught me to stand up for myself and recognize what I deserved.

J is such a great guy. He tells me how beautiful I am when my face is all broken out and I'm 20 pounds heavier and my head scarf is on.... and I can be myself with him. We laugh and just have a good time, sitting right here on the couch. And I really enjoy our nights together.

We go to bed at the same time 98% of the time and that's the time I feel closest to him- he makes fun of me and says I am the only person he knows who gets a burst of energy at bedtime... but when we first get in bed, I have to tickle him (he doesn't like it... we laugh) and talk until I go to sleep.... that's the best conversation to me, those right then- the world is completely quiet and it's dark and it's just us.....

Being with him is so..... cool.

A Touch of Red

2011-03-03T22:21:00.000-05:00

I had to go to court to observe a trial for school and it was really interesting. We got to see a probable cause hearing for a man who had drugs in his home and the officer was on the stand. It was great to see the arguments between the Prosecutor and Defense Attorney in person. I think I'd love to have that job- one of the clerks that sit in on court. The judge was a very young black woman and it made me proud- made me feel like I could do something big.

While I was getting ready, I put on my usual jeans with a belly band but that was uncomfortable. After walking around the house like that for 10 minutes, I had to rip them off. My ace was pregnant just last year (my godson will be 1 tomorrow!) and she let me borrow a pair of her maternity jeans. Although I feel like I'm not "that" pregnant yet (if that makes any sense), I put them on. They were a little big, but I tell you what, they make me feel mmmmmmmgood. I don't care how big they are; I feel better. And I've been on the hunt ever since for some good maternity jeans that aren't going to cost an arm and a leg.

Target had some Liz Lange maternity jeans on clearance for $7.48 but the biggest size was 12. Uh yeah, I am not a 12, I need something bigger.... I went to four different Targets looking and had no luck. I even tried on a pair for $27.99 that were a size 16 but they were so tight!!!! So I am still looking..... the journey continues.

My neutral outfit with a pop of red

16 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Don't mind the hole above my naval, I just took my ring out.

Pregnancy Update: The SECOND TRIMESTER is a blessing from God!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you Jesus. Yaw, I feel so much better. I have more energy, the icky nausea has left the building, it's good. Although I get out of breath walking up the hill for class and I'm always sleepy, I can deal with that. ;)

Something About A Short Haired Gal

2011-03-01T12:54:00.000-05:00

I was inspired to write this post after perusing the fashion blogs and finding this one: Karla's Closet. She's fabulous and her hair adds something special. And it made me think about how much I love seeing short hair on women.

I'm in no way trying to throw shade on women who have long hair. (My mama's one, my sister's one, shoot, I used to be one!) But for so long, women who have short hair have gotten the side eye. In my own family, there's a few of my older uncles who think it's a cardinal sin to cut your hair off and make no qualms about sharing the sentiment out loud. (So far I haven't had any run ins with them.) Some of my own friends freak the heck out when they get even an inch cut off just maintain it and are shocked at how much I maintain my own.

That perplexes me. People place too much value in hair.

But there's something about a girl who goes against all of that and just chops it. I cheer on women who go from waist length to a pixie cut without a thought.

To rock a short hair cut, you have to be daring and confident. Your entire face and head shape is on display for the world to see! Plus, I think a short cut adds an unexpected edge to an outfit.

Here are some of my favorites:

Amber Rose

Pink

Rihanna- You guys know I LOVE her. I am so ready for her to get rid of that red wig!

I'm Loving...

2011-02-28T07:35:00.002-05:00

I'm gonna start posting about things that I am loving right now and even putting the spotlight on some of you bloggers. I have been clued in to a lot of things while surfing the Internet along with these blogs, and always willing to share what I've picked up with you guys!

Without further ado,

I'm loving:

1. Tanya at Major Must Haves

Her sense of style is completely fabulous and her posts always mean something. She shares an inspirational word, a prayer, or a tip of the day, etc. I'm all for anywho who exudes positivity, as that's exactly what I aim to do. You never know who your words or actions may have an impact on.

2. Bioelements Kerafole

I am blessed to have a friend who is an aesthetician. When my face starting breaking out like a pepperoni pizza due to pregnancy, she drove to my apartment and gave me some of this to try and told me to do it for a week and let her know how it goes. My thoughts: It's a great product that really brightened my skin complexion. Mind you, it's not cheap, but if you saw how "smooth like butter" my friend's skin was, you'd do anything to get it too. (lol!)

Side note: My face really started clearing up when I was in the hospital (maybe because I wasn't wearing makeup) so that may be the issue. I may have to switch until after the pregnancy.

3. My New Haircare Products
I have another friend who has the softest, prettiest, shiniest hair on the planet. She introduced me to Matrix Biologe products, of which I've been using Ultra Hydrating Shampoo and Ultra Hydrating Balm, along with Keracare Foam Wrap Set Lotion and Biosilk Shine On. My hair has seriously been looking awesome. I got these products when I went back to my relaxed hair and so far, so good. Plus my husband says my hair smells good (always a plus because he really wasn't feeling one of those natural products I was using!)

Preggars Update: My appointment went well. When I stepped on the scale, I prepared myself to see an astronomical number but instead, I had lost weight. My doctor said it was probably due to my sickness. She's such a sweet doctor. She actually likes to sit down and have a conversation with you. She asked me if there was anything that I was worried about. I mentioned to her that I'd done my homework and found out why I was hospitalized as a baby. I had something called Pyloric Stenosis, which was very rare because it's usually something reserved for Caucasian males (and I'm neither, ya know!) So, she pulled up information on that and noted that it was hereditary so I have to get a special ultrasound to make sure the baby is ok. I'm not too worried. I know God is with my little one and also, I had surgery for it and have never had an issue with it since. During that ultrasound, I'll also get to find out what we're having!!! (JACKPOT!)

A Sucker for A Sale

2011-02-26T18:53:00.011-05:00

A few weekends ago, my friend and I went to the 6pm.com outlet, which was formerly Zappos, located in Shelbyville, Kentucky.

They are always known to have a good sale or two and I scoured the racks looking for a tan boot (I am having the hardest time finding one).... I was having NO LUCK, but when my friend told me that boots were 70% off on top of the 40% off discount that every shoe already got, I was determined to find something.

And that I did. Keep in mind, I tried. I really tried to stay away from black shoes, but those are all that I could find. My calves have gotten quite thick. I remember a time when the boot used to be too big to fit my legs! lol.

I thought these shoes by Nine West resembled hot witch shoes... it's not normally my thing but I've been seeing them rocked by some bloggers so I was inspired to try them. I haven't worn them yet, I'm still looking for the outfit.

Definitely NOT my thing but along with the "You better get them," from my friend and the fact that they were practically free, I got them. I've been wearing them like crazy since because they are so comfortable.

Yep, a boot.... The wedge is ridiculously comfortable and being that I'm pregnant and will be a mama to a very little one around next winter, I need to be able to maneuver. The stilettos have to stay in the closet for a while.

And this is what I spent. YEPPPP, that right "thurr" reads $52.66!!!! RIDICULOUS, RIGHT???? I had to attach this picture because if I told you, you wouldn't believe me. When the girl told me the total, I said, "Shut up!!!!!" I really wasn't expecting it and wish the sale was still going on so I could go back.

Where Have I Been?

2011-02-24T20:32:00.000-05:00

I am a self proclaimed music head. I love all things music; my love for it far surpasses my love for fashion. So imagine my surprise when I found out that I have been in the DARK with these artists:

1. Jamie Lidell
He came up on my Mark Ronson Pandora station and immediately, I had to make a station for him. His voice is soulful, he reminds me a lot of Adam Levine of Maroon 5 (who I've always had a crush on). Here's one of the songs I love: Now I need to go on Amazon and order every cd that I can afford.

2. Adele
Her voice is ridiculous!!! I seriously cannot describe it besides, "stops me in my tracks." She's really not new to me, I loved her instantly last year after seeing "Chasing Pavements," every morning on VH-1 as I got ready for work. Now she's got a new cd out that I need to get ASAP.

I've been in a bit of a music slump for a while so I'm glad to add these artists to my list.

P.S. Is Amy Whinehouse off drugs yet? I miss her. I played her cd over and over when I first got it as I sang out loud to "Just Friends."

What are you listening to?

A New Day

2011-02-23T18:06:00.000-05:00

I haven't done an outfit post in soo long so here we go. This is what I wore to school one day..... the semester is ending quickly (thank you SWEET BABY JESUS LAYING IN A MANGER)... of course I may be eating those words once I have to write these two 15 page papers. Sure, I could get on them now but I procrastinate and stress at the end- never fails.

This week was rough, after I'd been out of school all last week with the flu , I was getting stressed out thinking about my two tests this week and getting back on track. When I got home, I had received something in the mail from my school saying I was on the Dean's List. Nothing but Jesus!!! He sent me a little reminder that He's there, in my corner. And I'm thankful!!! Because I really needed it.

This sweater came from Old Navy and was big when I bought it but with encouragement from my fashion forward friend, I went with it. Big = comfort right now. It has a little flower detail that I love. The white shirt also came from Old Navy. I like how it has stretch on both sides.

Just about everyone and everything gets the side eye now-a-days

See the bump

Glasses- a last minute accessory

Owl Baby says, "Hi!"

Preggars Update: I'm 15 weeks pregnant now and I have my second doctor's appointment this Friday. At first I wasn't so sure what I wanted but now I am pushing for a boy, right along with my husband... I love my baby girl cousins who refer to me as "TT," but they are so emotional and thus, made me side with the boys!!!! Whatever we DO have, we have names already picked out for both.

Today I started trying to take my prenatal vitamins at night because they make me feel so run down and sick during the course of the day. I still haven't noticed my appetite getting too out of control. All I know is in the morning, I wake up ready for breakfast and I can't ignore it. And I still haven't really been eating sweets (and you guys know my sweet tooth pre-pregnancy was a force to be reckoned with!)

Cravings: Lemonade (as I'm typing this and trying to suck the last little bit of Chick-Fil-A Lemonade through the straw unsuccessfully. lol)

PAROLED

2011-02-18T13:14:00.000-05:00

Yep, I am paroled. Not really but it feels like it. I spent a few days in the hospital due to having the flu and I missed reading my fave blogs. While in the hospital I wanted to do nothing though, I was sooo sick.

My husband was sick at first and I was sooo careful, (or so I thought) but I still caught the bug. I was on the maternity floor and the nurses that came in wore protective gear over their clothing and gloves and masks... I even saw an infectious disease doctor. They said that although my flu test came back negative they still concluded that that's what I had. I was in really bad shape when I came in.... GOD, I never want to go back to that feeling again.

The great thing was is I got to hear the baby's heartbeat every day while in there. The first night, they found it almost immediately, but the second day... I was worried. (WARNING: TMI coming up). I had tried to urinate and saw blood and freaked out. I know just a little blood is no biggie but to me this was EXCESSIVE. I was worried and told the nurse immediately. They took more blood work and urine specimens while meanwhile, I was praying that I didn't kill my baby with my flu.

I told them I wanted to hear the heartbeat and it took so long for her to find it. I was tearing up, I was so scared (I guess I'm more of a mommy than I was thinking, huh?) but you know me, I refuse to cry in front of folks so I wouldn't let those jokers fall. I just lay there in bed, praying in my head, holding my breath, hoping I'd hear that fast swishing sound of the heartbeat. The nurse was trying to reassure me that the baby was small and could be anywhere and kept trying.

When the sound came, I was so relieved!!!! I wanted her out of there immediately. Once I had the privacy of my room back, I burst into tears and thanked God. That was so scary! Then I had to make myself stop crying because I was still sick and I felt like I was about to vomit- just too much.

But alas, I'm out. The flu and a bladder infection later, I'm ok and baby's ok. I'm still not supposed to be doing much of anything. My doctor recommends not to get back at it until Monday.

I will be getting back to posting and know that I missed all of you.

P.S. The hospital I stayed at was the hospital I will be delivering at... the staff was awesome and my only complaint was the food SUCKED... but I can deal with that part. ;)